1 00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,807 [wind blowing, waves lapping] 2 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,654 MAN: So, this is for, uh, 3 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:39,910 New York Times Magazine? 4 00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:42,092 No. I'm sorry, that... 5 00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:43,699 there... 6 00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:46,049 mm... no, I freelance. 7 00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:47,529 I write for different magazines, 8 00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,139 but this is a personal matter. 9 00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:50,489 A personal matter? 10 00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,308 Yes, I'm sorry. Is that okay? 11 00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:53,916 No, it's absolutely okay. 12 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,926 May I ask what-what this is regarding and...? 13 00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,708 Uh, it's about my son. 14 00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:01,971 Okay. How can I help? 15 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:05,325 [exhales] He... 16 00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:11,548 There are moments that I look at him, 17 00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:14,203 this kid that I raised, 18 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:17,378 who I thought I knew inside and out, 19 00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,165 and I wonder who he is. 20 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,909 He's been doing all sorts of drugs, 21 00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:27,004 but he's addicted to crystal meth, 22 00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:31,833 which seems, uh, to be the worst of all of 'em. 23 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:34,924 And I guess I'm here 24 00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:39,104 because I just want to know... 25 00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,932 all that I can about... 26 00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:43,841 all of it. 27 00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:45,666 Know your enemies, right? 28 00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:47,934 So... 29 00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:50,147 [sighs] 30 00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:52,587 My two big questions are, 31 00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:55,254 wh-what is it doing to him, 32 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:58,639 and what can I do to help him? 33 00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,694 [crickets chirping] 34 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,736 [shoes wiping on mat] 35 00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:09,168 [footsteps approaching] 36 00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,346 [door opens] 37 00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:12,351 [light switch clicks] 38 00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:14,833 [David sighs] 39 00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:29,804 [crickets chirping] 40 00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,473 [crickets chirping] 41 00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,389 [line ringing] 42 00:02:56,437 --> 00:02:58,397 MAN: Marin General Hospital. How may I help you? 43 00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,749 DAVID: Hi. My son has gone missing, 44 00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,490 and I wanted to check to see if he had... 45 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,192 uh, maybe had been brought in 46 00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:09,489 or-or if-if there'd been an accident. 47 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,277 Can I have name and description, sir? 48 00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:13,852 Nicolas Sheff. 49 00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:16,239 S-H-E-F-F. 50 00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,853 He is... 51 00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,593 18 years old. 52 00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:22,774 He is just over six feet tall. 53 00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,511 About 130 pounds. 54 00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:27,732 Maybe less. I-I don't know. Um... 55 00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:30,252 He has shoulder-length brown hair 56 00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:32,387 and green eyes. 57 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,169 MAN: Thank you. Please hold. 58 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,264 DAVID: Okay. 59 00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:38,483 -Mr. Sheff? -Yes. 60 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,662 Uh, there's no one by that name, sir. 61 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:43,308 Okay. Thank you. 62 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,053 [beep] 63 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:50,189 [crickets chirping] 64 00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:08,254 [crickets chirping] 65 00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,789 DAVID: He's been gone for two days. 66 00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,441 VICKI: What do you mean he's gone? 67 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,355 -What's going on? -I don't know. 68 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,790 -I don't know. -Two days? 69 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,316 Why didn't you tell me sooner? 70 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,230 Uh, I didn't want to worry you, I guess. 71 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,705 -I just... -I'm his mother, David. 72 00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,625 Didn't you see this coming? 73 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:40,800 Uh, no. 74 00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,055 What? 75 00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:43,887 No, no, I didn't see it coming. 76 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,975 If I'd seen it coming, I would've done something. 77 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,334 It was just a question, David. Jesus. 78 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,545 I haven't been talking with him a lot lately. 79 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,734 Well, maybe that's why you shouldn't be giving me advice 80 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,160 in parenting, right? 81 00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,166 Fuck, Vicki. 82 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,648 Can we just not blame each other right now? That's... 83 00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,559 Who's blaming who here? 84 00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:02,784 If I hardly ever see him, it's because he's supposed 85 00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,484 to come to L.A. for the holidays 86 00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,521 but always finds a reason not to come. 87 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:09,657 Well, that's not my fault, is it? 88 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,140 [birds chirping] 89 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,333 ♪ 90 00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:47,259 DAVID: Nic. 91 00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,483 [baby fussing] 92 00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:50,702 Here's your little brother. 93 00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:52,996 Tight. 94 00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:54,398 Just support his head. 95 00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,401 [whispering] 96 00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,663 [crying] 97 00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,576 [Nic and David laugh] 98 00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:03,582 Hi, Jasper. 99 00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:06,284 -Hi, little boy. -[fussing] 100 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,369 This is amazing. 101 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,384 [laughs] He's sticking his tongue out. 102 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,549 [laughing] 103 00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,727 Hi. Nice to meet you. 104 00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,733 -Bye. -Bye. 105 00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,555 -I'll miss you this summer. -Me, too. 106 00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:28,653 -Okay, write me. -Write me back. 107 00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,002 Work on your French. 108 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:31,391 -Oui, madame. -[chuckles] 109 00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,614 Have a great summer. 110 00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:34,663 And say hi to your mom. 111 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:39,834 -Everything. -Everything. 112 00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,447 [engine whirring] 113 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,495 ♪ 114 00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:14,093 ♪ 115 00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,277 [Daisy squealing] 116 00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:46,639 [dog barking] 117 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,513 JASPER: Ya! 118 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,375 Come on. 119 00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:56,391 [Daisy and Jasper chattering in distance] 120 00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:04,346 [indistinct chatter and laughter in distance] 121 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,669 [quietly]: Hey. 122 00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:16,410 -Where have you been? -Yeah, I just need to sleep, 123 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,982 -all right? -What have you been doing? 124 00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:19,849 I just need to sleep, all right? Leave me alone. 125 00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:24,111 Guys, go downstairs. 126 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,805 I'll be there in a minute. 127 00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,899 [birds chirping] 128 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,615 [retching] 129 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,048 [coughing] 130 00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:00,059 Ow. 131 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,681 -Look, man, I'm-I'm, uh... -[sighs] 132 00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:17,116 I'm really sorry, all right? And-and I, uh... 133 00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:19,375 I fucked up, and it was a mistake, but... 134 00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,738 it was a one-time mistake, all right? I learned my lesson. 135 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:25,218 I don't want to go through this shit again, all right? So... 136 00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,350 -Let's just go inside. -No. 137 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,831 They're professionals. 138 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,611 Let's just listen to what they have to say. 139 00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,396 Look, I'm 18, all right?! You can't force me! 140 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,440 Hey. 141 00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,751 This got out of hand, right? 142 00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,544 Don't you think? 143 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,244 Come on. 144 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,756 All right. 145 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:51,594 Okay. Okay. 146 00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:57,211 I'm doing it for you. 147 00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,262 [indistinct chatter] 148 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:12,046 [siren wailing in distance] 149 00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,576 He needs treatment. And fast. 150 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,277 There's still a lot of drugs in his system. 151 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:33,495 And, worst of all, he's in denial. 152 00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,984 Um, can you help him? 153 00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:39,197 Oh, yeah. I mean, 154 00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:42,207 a lot of the people here are not here by choice. 155 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,640 And they have just as much chance as anybody. 156 00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,647 Okay. [clears throat] 157 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,869 So, we have a free bed. 158 00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:51,649 So, if you want, we can check him in for a 28-day treatment 159 00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:53,524 and then we evaluate. 160 00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,662 Um... 161 00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,439 what is your success rate? 162 00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,703 On the high end, 80%. 163 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,527 On the low end, 164 00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:04,714 25%. 165 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,621 Look, he will have daily consultations 166 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,837 with a staff psychiatrist and physician. 167 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:13,796 We have daily N.A. and A.A. meetings. 168 00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:16,277 He'll be monitored very closely. 169 00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:19,904 Thank you. 170 00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:23,117 And last page. 171 00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:26,381 Everything. 172 00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:31,205 [whispers]: Everything. 173 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,361 [indistinct chatter] 174 00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:10,558 ♪ 175 00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:19,521 DAVID: Why are you always in this room? 176 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,744 You hardly ever come out of here. 177 00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:23,534 It's like you're a vampire. 178 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,528 I read. 179 00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:30,102 I draw. 180 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,710 You know what we should do? 181 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,752 We should go surfing. 182 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,537 Yeah. 183 00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:38,411 That sound good? 184 00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:41,153 I'm kind of into other things now, you know? 185 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:44,845 Reading misanthropes and seriously depressed writers. 186 00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,464 Oh, come on, they're... 187 00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,204 they're kind of great, though, right? 188 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,245 I get it. 189 00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:53,816 It'll pass, though. 190 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,820 It always does. 191 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,732 What does? 192 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:01,997 The feeling of being alienated and isolated. 193 00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,912 Huh, that really helps. 194 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:05,997 Thanks for the advice, Dad. 195 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,053 Okay. 196 00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:12,493 All right. That was... 197 00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:14,010 That came out wrong. I'm sorry. 198 00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:16,494 Mm-mm. 199 00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:27,852 NIC: All right. Your-your idea. 200 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,944 Hey. 201 00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:33,859 [whispers]: Hey, Dad. 202 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,990 MAN: So, we feel he's made great progress. 203 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,213 -Right, Nic? -Hi. -Hey. 204 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,213 -KAREN: That's great. -DAVID: That's great. 205 00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,075 MAN: So we should maybe talk about the coming weeks, Nic. 206 00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:45,646 Mm. I think I need to... I think I need 207 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:47,784 a little bit more time in rehab. So if it's... 208 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,087 if it's all right with you guys, I was wondering 209 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,743 if I could stay in the halfway house here. 210 00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:56,227 MAN: The halfway house is an open living facility 211 00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,230 with follow-up every night, 212 00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:01,752 and we would help him find a job. 213 00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,837 Right. I don't want to... 214 00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:06,496 go to college... 215 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,891 -right now. -DAVID: Oh? 216 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,885 Okay. Uh, um, and do what? 217 00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:15,508 I think I need to be independent. 218 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:20,419 Dad, I'm telling you, this is... 219 00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,946 It's gonna be good. 220 00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,564 DAVID: What is he gonna do, 221 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,224 make coffee for the rest of his life? 222 00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:29,558 KAREN: You know what, Frederick told me 223 00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,567 that they have friends that had a son 224 00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:33,569 that did a four-week program and that wasn't enough 225 00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:35,831 and now he's doing a year program. 226 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,395 I wish you wouldn't talk to everybody about it. 227 00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,144 What does that got to do with anything? 228 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,925 To protect Nic. I mean, at some point, 229 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,890 he's gonna want to get on with his life. 230 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,928 And maybe it's best that not everybody knows about this. 231 00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:49,934 Okay. 232 00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,502 Can we not make this about me? 233 00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:54,944 Uh... [sighs] All right. 234 00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,331 Look, Nic needs some more time. 235 00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:59,684 And that's fine. 236 00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:01,074 -Okay? -Okay. 237 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:02,247 Okay? 238 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:03,902 Yeah, okay. 239 00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:08,912 [children shouting indistinctly] 240 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,431 -[phone ringing] -[dog barking] 241 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:13,165 Shh. 242 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,216 [dog continues barking] 243 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:18,403 David Sheff. 244 00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:19,919 WOMAN [on phone]: Hi, Mr. Sheff. 245 00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,232 This is Annie Goldblum from the Ohlhoff Center. 246 00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,359 Oh, yes. Hi. Hello. 247 00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,011 ANNIE: Listen, I am sorry to disturb you, 248 00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,875 but I need to inform you about Nic. 249 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,278 Okay. 250 00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:33,891 He left the facility today during free time, 251 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,813 and he hasn't returned since. 252 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,198 [sighs] 253 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:39,551 I'm sorry, Mr. Sheff, 254 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,070 but please don't despair. 255 00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:43,254 This happens. 256 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,510 [sighs] But I... 257 00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,903 I thought you said he was doing so well. 258 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,947 You should think of this as part of the process. 259 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,304 Relapse is a part of recovery. 260 00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:56,264 Relapse is part of recovery? 261 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:59,313 Yeah. It-it's a part of Nic's learning process. 262 00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:01,089 Well, uh, that's... 263 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:04,534 that's like saying crashing is part of pilot training. 264 00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:07,272 Look, he'll be back, and probably really quick. 265 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,144 [scoffs] Do you have somebody out looking for him? 266 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,055 ANNIE: It is not our responsibility 267 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,620 once he leaves the facility. 268 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,357 -DAVID: Okay. -But he is welcome to... 269 00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,368 [phone beeps] 270 00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:19,460 ["Territorial Pissings" by Nirvana playing] 271 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:30,247 ♪ When I was 272 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:33,303 [young Nic singing along]: ♪ An alien 273 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:38,520 ♪ Cultures weren't opinions 274 00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,832 ♪ Gotta find a way, to find a way ♪ 275 00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:43,439 ♪ When I'm there 276 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,090 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 277 00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,955 ♪ I'd better wait 278 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,918 ♪ 279 00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,876 Excuse me. 280 00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:55,364 Have you seen a kid hanging out around here? 281 00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:57,185 -No. -No? 282 00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,543 Okay, thank you. 283 00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:04,413 ♪ Just because you're paranoid ♪ 284 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:09,068 ♪ Don't mean they're not after you ♪ 285 00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,065 [music stops] 286 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,732 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 287 00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:20,425 ♪ When I'm there 288 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:22,654 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 289 00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:25,523 -♪ I'd better wait -[thunder rumbles] 290 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:28,476 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 291 00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:31,265 ♪ I'd better wait 292 00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,791 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 293 00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,395 ♪ When I'm there 294 00:17:36,446 --> 00:17:38,006 ♪ Gotta find a way 295 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,757 ♪ Aah, aah! 296 00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,798 ♪ Aah! 297 00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:45,244 -[song ends] -[Nic retching] 298 00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,851 Wow. They don't want to deal with that. 299 00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,111 Hey, Dad, you want to smoke this? 300 00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,334 -Hey, whoa. -[Nic chuckling] 301 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,852 Wait. What...? Stop. 302 00:17:50,895 --> 00:17:52,105 -Put that away. -We'll smoke this together. 303 00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:53,768 No, no, no. No. Are you cra... 304 00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:55,421 -That's crazy. -Well, I know you smoke. 305 00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:57,025 -Y... Well, yeah. I... -So let's smoke together. 306 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,636 No, no, no. Occasionally, like... 307 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,376 -Look, let's smoke to... let's smoke together. -Listen. 308 00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,427 -Or I could just... You know what? -No, stop it, stop it. 309 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,652 -Stop. Stop. -I'll just light it here a... 310 00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:04,781 You know what? You're right. 311 00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,002 I'll just light it here alone. 312 00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:07,561 -[Nic laughs] -Don't. Occasionally, 313 00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:08,828 -from time to time... -Yeah? 314 00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,790 I will have a hit or two at a party, 315 00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,568 but it's been a while, so just... 316 00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,093 Oh, okay, so then just smoke... 317 00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:16,746 have-have a celebratory joint with your son. 318 00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:19,401 N-No. God, come on. [chuckles] 319 00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:21,136 No. No, you're amazing. 320 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:22,667 You got... you applied to six colleges, 321 00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:24,100 you got into all of them? 322 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,226 Yeah. 323 00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,278 Stop doubting yourself. 324 00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,023 Look at you. 325 00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,592 Give me that. Give me that. 326 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,808 -[laughing] -What? [laughs] 327 00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:40,155 Nice-nice hit. That was a good hit. 328 00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,946 [both laughing] 329 00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,430 -What? -Well... 330 00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:49,482 Thank you. This is a nice... 331 00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,429 thing to do. 332 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,438 [muttering] 333 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,920 You did a lot of drugs, right? 334 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,750 I, uh... 335 00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,958 Yeah, I did my share. 336 00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,438 I experimented with some drugs. 337 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,968 -[laughs] -I did. 338 00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,451 [both laugh] 339 00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:06,802 -But not harmless. -What, is this...? 340 00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,231 There was a guy, and... No, no. 341 00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:09,447 This is the lecture part? 342 00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:11,186 -Right? -[sighs] Yes. 343 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,667 Dad, you worry too much, all right? 344 00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:14,756 -Everyone does it. -Just be careful. 345 00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:17,235 It's just a little pot. I'm just partying a little. 346 00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:19,326 It's just... you know, it's just once in a while. 347 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,715 Mm-hmm. 348 00:19:20,768 --> 00:19:22,988 I deserve to party a little now. 349 00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:24,511 -"Deserve to party." -I do. 350 00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:27,604 Look, it just... it takes the edge off things. 351 00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:31,134 It-it... it-it takes the edge off of stupid all-day reality. 352 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,130 ♪ 353 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,302 Hmm. 354 00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:38,958 What is stupid about reality? 355 00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,923 You know, just like... 356 00:19:40,962 --> 00:19:44,882 like daily, stupid things that don't matter. 357 00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,362 -Okay. -[sighs] 358 00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,322 You cannot say dumb shit like that, 359 00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:49,801 or you're gonna start believing it. 360 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,490 Right. 361 00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,148 ["Sound and Vision" by David Bowie playing] 362 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,242 ♪ Blue, blue, electric blue 363 00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,504 ♪ That's the color 364 00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,026 ♪ Of my room 365 00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:02,459 ♪ Where I will live 366 00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,725 ♪ Blue, blue 367 00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,251 ♪ Pale blinds drawn all day 368 00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,998 ♪ Nothing to do, nothing to say. ♪ 369 00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:23,215 Thanks for bringing that, Karen. 370 00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:26,883 [sighs] 371 00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,750 This is my home. 372 00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,618 DAVID: A couple of weeks ago, you told me 373 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:38,188 that you had only done crystal meth once. 374 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,147 And the story has to be bigger than that, right? 375 00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:43,326 -Mm-hmm. -There's more to it. 376 00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:44,632 Yeah? 377 00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:45,898 David. 378 00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,070 DAVID: We need to know. 379 00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:50,026 We need to know. 380 00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:55,913 I think I always liked it. 381 00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:58,000 What? 382 00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,295 Anything. Pot, alcohol, 383 00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:05,528 Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD. 384 00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:06,998 [Nic sighs] 385 00:21:07,048 --> 00:21:09,358 And you've been doing all of that 386 00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:11,398 for what... years? 387 00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:13,454 A couple years, yeah. 388 00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:16,144 And crystal meth? 389 00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:19,543 Just a couple months. 390 00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:22,281 Wh-Why? 391 00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:25,935 I don't know. 392 00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:27,980 Um... 393 00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:35,643 When I tried it, I felt... 394 00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:44,478 I felt better than I ever had, so... 395 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,910 I just kept on doing it. 396 00:21:46,957 --> 00:21:50,177 I was worried that you were smoking too much pot. 397 00:21:50,221 --> 00:21:54,701 Meanwhile, you're out doing every drug on the planet? 398 00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:58,798 And hiding it and lying? 399 00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,359 Why? 400 00:22:01,624 --> 00:22:03,674 -I don't know. Um... -Why? 401 00:22:03,713 --> 00:22:05,373 -Nic, tell me why. -KAREN: Ease up. 402 00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:07,541 -I don't know. -I thought we were close. 403 00:22:07,587 --> 00:22:09,847 I thought we were closer than most fathers and sons. 404 00:22:09,893 --> 00:22:11,813 Yeah, I feel like you're always disappointed in me. 405 00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:13,292 You're disappointed I didn't go to college. 406 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,462 Can you blame me?! 407 00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:16,117 Just, uh, not too long ago, 408 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,340 you were reading and you were writing, and you were on 409 00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:19,770 the water polo team. 410 00:22:19,816 --> 00:22:21,336 And look at us now. 411 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:22,863 -Dad... -Can you please stop? -This isn't us. 412 00:22:22,906 --> 00:22:24,996 -This is not who we are. -KAREN: Just, please, 413 00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:26,689 both of you, stop. 414 00:22:26,736 --> 00:22:29,606 Dad, I'm really sorry about everything. 415 00:22:31,045 --> 00:22:33,215 Dad, I'm so... 416 00:22:35,789 --> 00:22:38,179 I'm really sorry, Dad. 417 00:22:39,314 --> 00:22:42,014 [David sighs] 418 00:22:42,056 --> 00:22:44,356 -Nic, what you have... -[exhales] 419 00:22:45,538 --> 00:22:47,978 ...you're gonna find it again. 420 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,670 [exhales] 421 00:22:50,717 --> 00:22:53,847 And you're gonna get it back. 422 00:22:53,894 --> 00:22:55,774 ♪ Long afloat on 423 00:22:55,809 --> 00:22:57,379 Ow, ow, ow. 424 00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:59,249 -Ow. There you go. -♪ Shipless oceans 425 00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:00,900 [dog barking] 426 00:23:00,944 --> 00:23:04,564 ♪ I did all my best 427 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,470 ♪ To smile 428 00:23:08,169 --> 00:23:10,999 ♪ Till your singing 429 00:23:11,041 --> 00:23:13,521 ♪ Eyes and fingers 430 00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:18,438 ♪ Drew me loving 431 00:23:18,484 --> 00:23:21,794 ♪ To your isle 432 00:23:21,835 --> 00:23:23,305 ♪ And you sang 433 00:23:25,229 --> 00:23:27,139 ♪ Sail to me 434 00:23:28,581 --> 00:23:30,191 ♪ Sail to me 435 00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:33,674 ♪ Let me enfold you. 436 00:23:34,804 --> 00:23:36,684 DAVID: Nic! 437 00:23:46,555 --> 00:23:48,555 Nic! 438 00:23:49,863 --> 00:23:51,263 Nic! 439 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,740 Nic! 440 00:24:05,139 --> 00:24:07,139 Nic! 441 00:24:08,795 --> 00:24:10,795 [seagulls squawking] 442 00:24:13,408 --> 00:24:16,278 [whooping] 443 00:24:16,324 --> 00:24:17,894 [laughing] 444 00:24:21,547 --> 00:24:22,977 NIC: Hey, Dad. 445 00:24:23,026 --> 00:24:24,716 DAVID [on phone]: Hey. 446 00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:26,377 How's New York? 447 00:24:26,421 --> 00:24:27,601 Fine. Good. 448 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:28,990 Good interview today. 449 00:24:29,032 --> 00:24:30,432 -Nice. -How are you? 450 00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:33,039 Oh, I'm-I'm doing good. Yeah. 451 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,690 Yeah? You sure? 452 00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:36,524 Yeah. I don't... well... 453 00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:38,302 What? 454 00:24:38,346 --> 00:24:39,906 It's, uh... 455 00:24:39,956 --> 00:24:41,386 What's going on? 456 00:24:41,436 --> 00:24:44,306 Uh, we had this great group session, 457 00:24:44,352 --> 00:24:46,922 and one of the guys here was saying he would do anything 458 00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,053 for a chance to go to college, but he can't. 459 00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:51,096 -Okay. -And when we were talking later, he said, 460 00:24:51,141 --> 00:24:53,321 "You could still go to college. Don't be an idiot. 461 00:24:53,361 --> 00:24:55,321 Go to college." 462 00:24:56,582 --> 00:24:58,112 I don't know, it's just crazy. 463 00:24:58,148 --> 00:25:01,148 I realized I don't think I should stay behind. 464 00:25:01,195 --> 00:25:02,365 I love writing. 465 00:25:02,413 --> 00:25:04,943 And I feel like I'm good at it, 466 00:25:04,981 --> 00:25:07,721 and I do it a lot, but... 467 00:25:07,767 --> 00:25:10,597 obviously, there's still a lot 468 00:25:10,639 --> 00:25:12,989 for-for me to learn and... 469 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,820 Anyway, um... 470 00:25:16,863 --> 00:25:19,653 I'd love to give it a go, if... 471 00:25:19,692 --> 00:25:22,522 you know, if it's all right with you guys. 472 00:25:25,393 --> 00:25:28,883 Yeah. I'll talk to Karen and to your mom. 473 00:25:29,919 --> 00:25:31,699 Back here. 474 00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:33,747 [quiet, indistinct conversation] 475 00:25:37,274 --> 00:25:39,284 [indistinct conversation] 476 00:25:49,809 --> 00:25:51,809 [indistinct talking, laughing nearby] 477 00:25:54,988 --> 00:25:56,598 Have you met your roommate yet? 478 00:25:56,642 --> 00:25:57,822 Yeah, he seems nice. 479 00:25:57,860 --> 00:25:59,910 He's just in the hall. 480 00:25:59,949 --> 00:26:01,209 I feel for you, though. 481 00:26:01,255 --> 00:26:02,595 [Nic laughs] 482 00:26:02,648 --> 00:26:03,998 Ouch. 483 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:05,560 No worries. I'll educate him. 484 00:26:05,607 --> 00:26:07,347 [David laughs] 485 00:26:07,391 --> 00:26:09,611 Before you know it, he'll be listening to John Zorn. 486 00:26:09,655 --> 00:26:11,475 Ah. 487 00:26:13,702 --> 00:26:15,702 [sighs] 488 00:26:19,926 --> 00:26:21,836 Well, I better get going. 489 00:26:21,884 --> 00:26:23,234 All right. 490 00:26:34,941 --> 00:26:39,341 -Everything. -Everything. 491 00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:41,380 -[indistinct chatter] -[wheels rattling] 492 00:26:53,089 --> 00:26:54,789 NIC: So, this is a poem 493 00:26:54,830 --> 00:26:56,400 by Charles Bukowski. 494 00:26:58,051 --> 00:27:02,451 Uh, this man saved my life multiple times, so... 495 00:27:02,490 --> 00:27:06,020 "I changed jobs and cities, 496 00:27:06,059 --> 00:27:07,799 "I hated holidays, 497 00:27:07,843 --> 00:27:10,413 "babies, history, 498 00:27:10,454 --> 00:27:13,764 "newspapers, museums, grandmothers, 499 00:27:13,806 --> 00:27:17,766 marriage, movies, spiders..." 500 00:27:17,810 --> 00:27:19,590 I want to see it, I want to see it! Oh! 501 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:20,938 NIC: "...garbagemen, 502 00:27:20,987 --> 00:27:22,247 -"English accents... -Nice. Go, go, go! 503 00:27:22,292 --> 00:27:24,382 NIC: "...Spain, France, 504 00:27:24,425 --> 00:27:28,425 "Italy, walnuts and the color orange. 505 00:27:28,472 --> 00:27:34,092 "Algebra angered me, opera sickened me, 506 00:27:34,130 --> 00:27:35,700 "Charlie Chaplin was a fake 507 00:27:35,741 --> 00:27:38,271 and flowers were for pansies." 508 00:27:42,008 --> 00:27:44,008 Thanks. 509 00:27:48,144 --> 00:27:50,154 [conversing indistinctly] 510 00:27:52,192 --> 00:27:54,932 ["Svefn-g-englar" by Sigur Rós playing] 511 00:27:59,939 --> 00:28:02,679 -[laughs] -Come here. 512 00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:04,684 ♪ 513 00:28:08,295 --> 00:28:10,375 Mm. 514 00:28:10,427 --> 00:28:12,997 Hi. [laughs] 515 00:28:20,350 --> 00:28:22,700 [giggles] 516 00:28:22,744 --> 00:28:25,014 ["Svefn-g-englar" continues, with singing in Icelandic] 517 00:28:25,051 --> 00:28:27,971 [indistinct chatter] 518 00:28:28,010 --> 00:28:30,750 ♪ 519 00:28:30,796 --> 00:28:32,746 [indistinct chatter] 520 00:28:35,104 --> 00:28:36,634 Where's your bathroom? 521 00:28:36,671 --> 00:28:38,151 Hey, is there a bathroom I can use? 522 00:28:38,194 --> 00:28:39,244 WOMAN: Sure, honey. 523 00:28:39,282 --> 00:28:40,502 I'll show you where it is. 524 00:28:40,544 --> 00:28:42,114 Go right up, to the left. 525 00:28:42,155 --> 00:28:44,155 ♪ 526 00:28:56,082 --> 00:28:58,082 ♪ 527 00:29:03,785 --> 00:29:05,735 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 528 00:29:13,229 --> 00:29:15,229 ♪ 529 00:29:28,592 --> 00:29:30,292 [laughs] 530 00:29:36,731 --> 00:29:38,731 [indistinct chatter continues] 531 00:29:42,171 --> 00:29:44,131 ♪ 532 00:29:44,173 --> 00:29:46,183 [phone ringing] 533 00:29:46,219 --> 00:29:48,179 ♪ 534 00:29:48,221 --> 00:29:50,221 [phone ringing] 535 00:29:54,488 --> 00:29:56,838 -Hey, Dad. -DAVID [on phone]: Hey, Nic. 536 00:29:56,882 --> 00:29:58,622 How you doing? What's going on? 537 00:29:58,666 --> 00:30:00,056 Oh, no, everything's going great here, yeah. 538 00:30:00,102 --> 00:30:01,542 Oh, hey, thanks for sending the money. 539 00:30:01,582 --> 00:30:02,712 I really appreciate that. 540 00:30:02,757 --> 00:30:04,757 ♪ 541 00:30:15,901 --> 00:30:18,161 ♪ 542 00:30:32,482 --> 00:30:34,962 ♪ 543 00:30:49,021 --> 00:30:51,021 ♪ 544 00:31:05,602 --> 00:31:08,562 [laughter nearby] 545 00:31:08,605 --> 00:31:11,995 [indistinct chatter] 546 00:31:12,044 --> 00:31:14,054 ♪ 547 00:31:22,271 --> 00:31:24,451 [chiming quietly] 548 00:31:29,365 --> 00:31:31,975 DAVID [chuckles]: Yeah, you always hog the fondue. 549 00:31:32,020 --> 00:31:34,500 Oh, uh, Patrick and Phil are going hiking tomorrow, 550 00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:37,594 so they'd like us to join them. 551 00:31:37,634 --> 00:31:39,594 ♪ 552 00:31:39,636 --> 00:31:41,936 [mouthing] 553 00:31:41,987 --> 00:31:43,507 Are Jasper and Daisy here, by any...? 554 00:31:43,553 --> 00:31:45,513 -They're not here. -No? 555 00:31:45,555 --> 00:31:47,245 -No. -Oh, they didn't want to see me? 556 00:31:47,296 --> 00:31:49,816 -No, they didn't want to see you. -Oh, that's tough to hear. 557 00:31:49,864 --> 00:31:52,914 Uh, well, I'm gonna just have a seat on this couch 558 00:31:52,954 --> 00:31:54,044 and think about that, huh? 559 00:31:54,086 --> 00:31:55,476 -Oh! -Whoa! Whoa! 560 00:31:55,522 --> 00:31:58,872 Oh, my God! Oh, my God, it's Daisy! 561 00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:00,477 Oh, Jasper! 562 00:32:00,527 --> 00:32:03,357 Oh, my God, you guys have gotten so much bigger! 563 00:32:03,399 --> 00:32:06,399 Oh! Oh, my God, you're so...! [yells] 564 00:32:07,664 --> 00:32:09,364 -DAVID: Okay. -Denmark, 1632. 565 00:32:09,405 --> 00:32:11,535 -Oh, no. -We... 566 00:32:11,581 --> 00:32:15,671 Like to look back at the history of Hula-Hoops. 567 00:32:15,716 --> 00:32:18,236 NIC: So important to, uh, 568 00:32:18,284 --> 00:32:20,594 the culture of peace and wisdom. 569 00:32:20,634 --> 00:32:22,114 DAVID: Um, a man 570 00:32:22,157 --> 00:32:24,417 -named George... -Hoopulu. 571 00:32:24,464 --> 00:32:27,514 -[laughter] -Was, uh... was, uh... 572 00:32:27,554 --> 00:32:29,214 And he thought... 573 00:32:29,251 --> 00:32:31,781 [mock Danish accent]: "Well, I'm going to 574 00:32:31,819 --> 00:32:33,389 develop something that I..." 575 00:32:38,913 --> 00:32:40,263 Hey. 576 00:32:40,306 --> 00:32:43,176 -Hey. Uh... -[sighs] 577 00:32:43,222 --> 00:32:45,662 Hey. Um... 578 00:32:45,702 --> 00:32:48,622 I was wondering, do you think I could use your car tonight? 579 00:32:48,662 --> 00:32:51,062 'Cause I just... I want to go to a meeting. 580 00:32:51,099 --> 00:32:53,009 Oh. You got a meeting tonight? 581 00:32:53,058 --> 00:32:54,888 Yeah, sure. 582 00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,630 Y-You good? 583 00:32:59,673 --> 00:33:01,333 [chuckles softly]: Yeah. I just... 584 00:33:02,589 --> 00:33:04,029 -They're crazy. -Yeah. 585 00:33:04,069 --> 00:33:06,719 They're really excited you're home. 586 00:33:08,769 --> 00:33:11,599 -I mean, I'll see you in the morning, I guess. -Okay. 587 00:33:13,295 --> 00:33:15,245 All right. 588 00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:30,574 [rock instrumental playing] 589 00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:39,836 Yep! Mm! 590 00:33:39,887 --> 00:33:43,457 [mumbling incoherently] 591 00:33:48,374 --> 00:33:51,514 ♪ 592 00:33:53,857 --> 00:33:55,817 [distorted whirr of passing car] 593 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,910 [inhales] 594 00:34:02,475 --> 00:34:04,215 JASPER: Where is it?! 595 00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:05,779 DAISY: I don't have it! 596 00:34:05,826 --> 00:34:07,306 JASPER: Where is it?! 597 00:34:07,349 --> 00:34:08,869 DAISY: I don't have it! 598 00:34:08,916 --> 00:34:10,696 DAVID: Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. 599 00:34:10,744 --> 00:34:12,404 JASPER: Where is it?! 600 00:34:12,441 --> 00:34:14,101 -DAVID: Guys, guys, stop it. -DAISY: I don't know! 601 00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:15,919 DAVID: Stop. Calm down. What's going on in here? 602 00:34:15,966 --> 00:34:17,746 JASPER: She took my money! 603 00:34:17,794 --> 00:34:19,194 DAISY [sobbing]: I didn't. 604 00:34:19,231 --> 00:34:21,411 DAVID: Okay, all right. Come on, go downstairs 605 00:34:21,450 --> 00:34:23,150 -and see Mommy, all right? -You took them! 606 00:34:23,191 --> 00:34:25,111 -[sobbing] -Don't, don't, don't. Stop, stop. 607 00:34:25,150 --> 00:34:28,150 -I didn't take it, Daddy. -I know you didn't. All right. 608 00:34:28,196 --> 00:34:30,936 Just go downstairs and have some breakfast. 609 00:34:30,981 --> 00:34:32,071 Hey, what happened? 610 00:34:32,113 --> 00:34:33,723 [Jasper shuddering] 611 00:34:33,767 --> 00:34:35,117 They're gone. 612 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,640 Okay. Are you sure you had it in there? 613 00:34:37,684 --> 00:34:40,824 -Yeah. I had them yesterday. -Okay. 614 00:34:47,824 --> 00:34:49,834 Jasper's savings disappeared. 615 00:34:51,828 --> 00:34:53,828 Yeah? That's weird. 616 00:34:59,184 --> 00:35:02,144 Did you take his eight dollars? 617 00:35:03,318 --> 00:35:04,798 [laughs]: What? 618 00:35:04,841 --> 00:35:06,101 You heard me. 619 00:35:07,148 --> 00:35:08,888 Why would I? 620 00:35:08,932 --> 00:35:11,672 It disappeared, and somebody has to have done it. 621 00:35:11,718 --> 00:35:13,588 Right, so it's me. 622 00:35:13,633 --> 00:35:16,033 This is fucking ridiculous. 623 00:35:16,070 --> 00:35:19,250 -[stammers, sighs] -Are you using again? 624 00:35:19,291 --> 00:35:22,081 Am I using again? No. 625 00:35:24,078 --> 00:35:26,818 Are you high right now? 626 00:35:26,863 --> 00:35:28,473 What the f...? No. 627 00:35:28,517 --> 00:35:30,557 -Fuck you. -"Fuck you"? 628 00:35:30,606 --> 00:35:32,086 Don't talk to me that way. 629 00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:33,700 Are you high right now? 630 00:35:33,740 --> 00:35:35,090 No. 631 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:36,703 You're not using right now? 632 00:35:36,743 --> 00:35:38,143 Are you using? 633 00:35:38,179 --> 00:35:41,839 No, Dad, I'm not fucking high right now! 634 00:35:41,878 --> 00:35:43,878 Okay. 635 00:35:47,232 --> 00:35:50,542 Listen, it was a gamble to send you to college. 636 00:35:50,583 --> 00:35:53,283 Everybody supported it. 637 00:35:53,325 --> 00:35:55,275 I'm glad that you went. 638 00:35:56,458 --> 00:35:58,978 Relapse is a part of rec... 639 00:35:59,026 --> 00:36:00,936 Relapse is part of recovery. 640 00:36:00,984 --> 00:36:04,904 -So we're gonna get... -I better leave. 641 00:36:13,301 --> 00:36:15,781 -David? -Hey. 642 00:36:15,825 --> 00:36:18,565 Just... where-where are you gonna go? 643 00:36:18,611 --> 00:36:20,871 You can't just leave. This is ridiculous. 644 00:36:20,917 --> 00:36:22,527 -Come on. -Will you talk to us? 645 00:36:22,571 --> 00:36:24,491 I mean, really... we just want to talk to you. 646 00:36:24,530 --> 00:36:26,920 Why don't... Try to help us understand. 647 00:36:26,967 --> 00:36:28,617 -Or just let us help you. -All right? 648 00:36:28,664 --> 00:36:30,144 I don't want your fucking help. Don't you understand that? 649 00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,538 -No. -No, you don't. Jesus Christ, then what 650 00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:32,890 the fuck is wrong with you, then, huh? 651 00:36:32,929 --> 00:36:34,319 -What the hell is wrong with you people? -Nic. 652 00:36:34,366 --> 00:36:35,846 -No! You fucking suffocate me. -Hey. 653 00:36:35,889 --> 00:36:37,459 -Oh... -You fucking suffocate me! 654 00:36:37,499 --> 00:36:39,939 Whoa, it's us? We're the problem? 655 00:36:39,980 --> 00:36:42,200 No. You know what, you're the one who's doing it! 656 00:36:42,243 --> 00:36:43,943 You're the one who's causing it! 657 00:36:43,984 --> 00:36:46,204 And you're the only one who can stop it! 658 00:36:46,247 --> 00:36:48,207 Fucking solve it! 659 00:37:09,662 --> 00:37:11,662 [grunts] 660 00:37:16,495 --> 00:37:17,535 Fuck! 661 00:37:18,584 --> 00:37:20,114 Fuck! 662 00:37:21,935 --> 00:37:23,105 [sniffs] 663 00:37:42,695 --> 00:37:44,695 ♪ 664 00:37:54,663 --> 00:37:56,673 [David sighs] 665 00:38:01,888 --> 00:38:03,718 [turns page] 666 00:38:16,946 --> 00:38:18,946 ♪ 667 00:38:37,750 --> 00:38:40,540 ♪ 668 00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:03,687 ♪ 669 00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:15,610 DR. BROWN: So, this is for the, uh, 670 00:39:15,657 --> 00:39:17,357 New York Times Magazine? 671 00:39:17,398 --> 00:39:19,138 Oh, no. 672 00:39:19,182 --> 00:39:20,492 I'm a... I-I write. 673 00:39:20,532 --> 00:39:22,062 I freelance for different magazines, 674 00:39:22,098 --> 00:39:25,148 but this is... this is a personal matter. 675 00:39:25,188 --> 00:39:27,408 -A personal matter? -Yes. I'm sorry. 676 00:39:27,452 --> 00:39:29,672 -Is that okay? -Uh, no, it's absolutely okay. 677 00:39:29,715 --> 00:39:31,585 May I ask what-what this is regarding? 678 00:39:31,630 --> 00:39:34,070 Uh, it's about my son. 679 00:39:34,110 --> 00:39:36,110 Okay. 680 00:39:39,115 --> 00:39:42,335 DAVID: He's been doing all sorts of drugs, 681 00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:44,250 but he's addicted to crystal meth, 682 00:39:44,294 --> 00:39:48,084 which seems, uh, to be the worst of all of them. 683 00:39:48,124 --> 00:39:50,394 And I guess I'm here 684 00:39:50,431 --> 00:39:54,131 because I just want to know all that I can 685 00:39:54,174 --> 00:39:57,134 about all of it. 686 00:39:57,177 --> 00:39:59,697 So, uh, crystal meth, uh, 687 00:39:59,745 --> 00:40:01,615 gives the user a feeling of instant euphoria-- 688 00:40:01,660 --> 00:40:04,230 at least, when he takes it. 689 00:40:04,271 --> 00:40:05,451 You know, but when it wears off, 690 00:40:05,490 --> 00:40:07,270 with a depletion of as much as 60% 691 00:40:07,317 --> 00:40:10,227 of the dopamine, the user has to up the doses. 692 00:40:10,277 --> 00:40:14,277 He has to double it, triple it just to feel something, 693 00:40:14,324 --> 00:40:16,464 causing even more nerve damage, 694 00:40:16,501 --> 00:40:20,371 which, uh, increases the compulsion to use. 695 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:21,938 Horrible cycle. 696 00:40:21,984 --> 00:40:23,944 [typing] 697 00:40:23,986 --> 00:40:26,156 -What's up? -Hey. 698 00:40:26,206 --> 00:40:28,896 Just doing some research. 699 00:40:46,356 --> 00:40:48,356 ♪ 700 00:40:56,192 --> 00:40:58,152 Hi. 701 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,290 Are you hungry? 702 00:41:06,333 --> 00:41:09,473 You want to get something? 703 00:41:09,510 --> 00:41:12,120 Most guys just ask me for a blow job. [chuckles] 704 00:41:12,165 --> 00:41:15,725 Oh, no. No, I'm just offering something to eat. 705 00:41:15,777 --> 00:41:18,167 Maybe talk a little, if you're up to it. 706 00:41:18,214 --> 00:41:21,574 DR. BROWN: Meth changes the brain physically. 707 00:41:21,609 --> 00:41:24,049 Here we see the loss of dopamine receptors 708 00:41:24,090 --> 00:41:26,050 in a meth user's brain. 709 00:41:26,092 --> 00:41:29,662 Now, I'm gonna show you something else here. 710 00:41:29,704 --> 00:41:32,404 Do you see, uh, right here there are these two red, uh... 711 00:41:32,446 --> 00:41:34,006 -large, red spots right here? -Yeah. 712 00:41:34,056 --> 00:41:36,796 Okay, what that shows is hyperactivity in the amygdala. 713 00:41:36,842 --> 00:41:38,762 And the amygdala is a region of the brain 714 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:41,280 that is linked with anxiety and fear. 715 00:41:41,324 --> 00:41:43,464 Here the amygdala is screaming. 716 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,250 What this shows us 717 00:41:49,289 --> 00:41:51,679 is that there is a biological basis, 718 00:41:51,726 --> 00:41:55,426 uh, that meth users may be unable-- 719 00:41:55,469 --> 00:41:57,559 not unwilling, but unable-- 720 00:41:57,602 --> 00:42:00,562 to participate in normal treatment programs. 721 00:42:00,605 --> 00:42:02,075 GIRL: I was in rehab, too. 722 00:42:03,216 --> 00:42:04,736 Three times. 723 00:42:04,783 --> 00:42:07,223 Ran away every time. [chuckles] 724 00:42:07,263 --> 00:42:09,703 Why? 725 00:42:09,744 --> 00:42:11,924 It was hell. 726 00:42:11,964 --> 00:42:14,364 Wanted to die. 727 00:42:14,401 --> 00:42:16,361 Why was it hell? 728 00:42:16,403 --> 00:42:19,233 All that God shit. 729 00:42:19,275 --> 00:42:21,225 Also, you just don't know how good it gets 730 00:42:21,277 --> 00:42:23,237 when it gets good. 731 00:42:23,279 --> 00:42:25,369 It's hard to explain. 732 00:42:25,412 --> 00:42:27,282 Feels like cocaine 733 00:42:27,327 --> 00:42:28,887 but multiplied by, like, a thousand. 734 00:42:28,937 --> 00:42:30,587 Or, like, a million. 735 00:42:30,635 --> 00:42:33,245 DAVID: What does this mean for Nic? 736 00:42:33,289 --> 00:42:35,249 Look, Mr. Sheff, I... 737 00:42:35,291 --> 00:42:38,211 I don't know who promised you what, 738 00:42:38,251 --> 00:42:42,261 but the success percentage is in the single digits. 739 00:42:42,298 --> 00:42:44,168 [exhales, chuckles] 740 00:42:44,213 --> 00:42:45,563 Okay. 741 00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:50,442 What about your parents? 742 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,610 What about them? 743 00:42:52,657 --> 00:42:55,487 Don't you think they're worried about you? 744 00:42:55,529 --> 00:42:58,009 Shouldn't you... 745 00:42:58,053 --> 00:43:00,323 let them know that... 746 00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,620 They don't care. 747 00:43:02,667 --> 00:43:06,017 Well, I think they do. 748 00:43:07,062 --> 00:43:10,072 What the fuck do you know? 749 00:43:16,855 --> 00:43:18,805 I gotta go. 750 00:43:18,857 --> 00:43:22,027 Oh. Okay. 751 00:43:25,385 --> 00:43:27,945 Thanks. 752 00:43:33,001 --> 00:43:35,001 [indistinct chatter] 753 00:43:45,579 --> 00:43:48,359 -Hey! -Hey! Hey, now! 754 00:43:48,408 --> 00:43:50,888 [indistinct chatter continues] 755 00:43:57,069 --> 00:43:59,159 [indistinct chatter] 756 00:44:09,298 --> 00:44:11,648 [crickets chirping] 757 00:44:29,231 --> 00:44:31,231 [sighs] 758 00:44:38,066 --> 00:44:41,366 [sniffs] 759 00:44:41,417 --> 00:44:43,807 [grunting] 760 00:44:45,421 --> 00:44:46,991 God. 761 00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,702 [jazz playing] 762 00:45:19,020 --> 00:45:20,410 [computer chimes] 763 00:45:20,456 --> 00:45:22,106 [sighs] 764 00:45:23,111 --> 00:45:25,111 [computer chimes] 765 00:45:29,770 --> 00:45:31,950 ♪ 766 00:45:53,185 --> 00:45:56,135 [takes deep breath] 767 00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,200 [indistinct chatter] 768 00:46:15,860 --> 00:46:17,780 DAVID: I'm gonna try some Klingon on you. 769 00:46:17,818 --> 00:46:18,908 Ready? 770 00:46:20,168 --> 00:46:23,518 [speaking mock Klingon] 771 00:46:27,523 --> 00:46:29,703 -You know what I said? -May I have a Coca-Cola? 772 00:46:29,743 --> 00:46:31,143 -Exactly. -[both laugh] 773 00:46:31,179 --> 00:46:32,959 DAVID [chuckling]: That's it. 774 00:46:33,007 --> 00:46:34,967 That's exactly what I asked. 775 00:46:35,009 --> 00:46:36,449 Can I have a Coca-Cola? 776 00:46:36,489 --> 00:46:38,359 All right. If you ask me in Klingon, 777 00:46:38,404 --> 00:46:40,414 maybe I'll get you a Coke. 778 00:46:41,494 --> 00:46:43,504 [speaking mock Klingon] 779 00:46:57,989 --> 00:47:00,119 Hey. 780 00:47:12,655 --> 00:47:14,605 Oh, wow. 781 00:47:16,050 --> 00:47:18,270 [chuckles] This hasn't changed at all. 782 00:47:18,313 --> 00:47:21,403 [laughs] This place. 783 00:47:22,535 --> 00:47:24,225 -Hey. -So, how you doing? 784 00:47:24,276 --> 00:47:25,666 I'm doing great. 785 00:47:25,712 --> 00:47:27,892 You know, just, um... 786 00:47:27,932 --> 00:47:29,722 um... 787 00:47:29,759 --> 00:47:31,719 just doing what needs to be done. 788 00:47:32,762 --> 00:47:34,592 What does that mean? 789 00:47:34,634 --> 00:47:38,384 Just being responsible for myself and... 790 00:47:38,420 --> 00:47:40,640 I've quit on my own, you know, so... 791 00:47:40,683 --> 00:47:42,823 I got five days now. 792 00:47:44,426 --> 00:47:46,686 I feel like I'm doing well, but I just need, um... 793 00:47:46,733 --> 00:47:49,873 I just need a few hundred bucks, though. 794 00:47:49,910 --> 00:47:51,610 Nic, I can't give you any money. 795 00:47:53,609 --> 00:47:55,569 Yeah. 796 00:47:55,611 --> 00:47:57,831 Okay. 797 00:47:57,875 --> 00:47:59,565 It's just 200 bucks. I just need, um... 798 00:47:59,615 --> 00:48:01,135 I just need to get some shit together. 799 00:48:01,182 --> 00:48:02,442 I want to go to New York. 800 00:48:02,488 --> 00:48:04,748 -New York? -Yeah. 801 00:48:04,794 --> 00:48:06,624 I need to get out of San Francisco. 802 00:48:06,666 --> 00:48:08,316 There's too many... 803 00:48:08,363 --> 00:48:10,243 [laughing]: All these fucking bad vibes here 804 00:48:10,278 --> 00:48:13,188 all the time. 805 00:48:13,238 --> 00:48:15,108 Yeah, I just need a few hundred bucks. 806 00:48:15,153 --> 00:48:17,503 Why don't we just have lunch and talk? 807 00:48:17,546 --> 00:48:20,066 -We can do that, right? -Mm. 808 00:48:20,114 --> 00:48:21,684 Hmm. 809 00:48:26,077 --> 00:48:28,777 How... how's Karen and, uh... and the kids? 810 00:48:28,818 --> 00:48:32,208 Okay. They ask about you. 811 00:48:32,257 --> 00:48:35,127 It's their step-up next week, and I know they'd love you... 812 00:48:35,173 --> 00:48:37,043 Dad, you're, uh... you're guilt-tripping me, all right? 813 00:48:37,088 --> 00:48:38,568 No, I'm just saying... 814 00:48:38,611 --> 00:48:40,871 I should feel horrible about myself. 815 00:48:42,397 --> 00:48:47,007 I know they wanted you to be there, that's all. 816 00:48:47,054 --> 00:48:48,714 I'm sorry, Dad. 817 00:48:48,751 --> 00:48:52,231 Um... I just need some fucking money, all right? 818 00:48:52,277 --> 00:48:53,707 So please just give me some fucking money. 819 00:48:53,756 --> 00:48:55,016 And then what? Where does this end? 820 00:48:55,062 --> 00:48:56,592 This is... I got to see this one through. 821 00:48:56,629 --> 00:48:58,199 This is kind of working out for me right now. 822 00:48:58,239 --> 00:48:59,499 -I got five days sober. -It doesn't look 823 00:48:59,545 --> 00:49:00,755 like it's working out, Nic. 824 00:49:00,807 --> 00:49:01,937 Oh, it doesn't look like it's working out? 825 00:49:01,982 --> 00:49:02,852 -So what, then, therapy? Huh? -No. 826 00:49:02,896 --> 00:49:04,286 -You can come home. -No. 827 00:49:04,332 --> 00:49:05,772 -That wouldn't... -We'll make it work. Please. 828 00:49:05,812 --> 00:49:07,292 Nic. 829 00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:10,340 Please. 830 00:49:17,128 --> 00:49:19,698 -I've been doing some research. -Been doing fucking research? 831 00:49:19,739 --> 00:49:21,739 -You got to be kidding me, Dad. -No... 832 00:49:21,784 --> 00:49:23,744 You think that you have this under control. 833 00:49:23,786 --> 00:49:26,876 -Mm-hmm. -And I understand how scared you are. 834 00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:28,880 I understand why I do things-- it doesn't make me 835 00:49:28,922 --> 00:49:31,402 any different, all right? I'm attracted to craziness. 836 00:49:31,446 --> 00:49:33,406 And you're just embarrassed, 'cause I was, like, you know... 837 00:49:33,448 --> 00:49:34,668 I was, like, this amazing thing, 838 00:49:34,710 --> 00:49:36,630 like, your special creation or something, 839 00:49:36,669 --> 00:49:39,019 -and you don't like who I am now. -Yeah? 840 00:49:39,063 --> 00:49:40,763 -Who are you, Nic? -This is me, Dad. 841 00:49:40,803 --> 00:49:42,813 Here. This is who I am. 842 00:49:50,074 --> 00:49:52,164 You don't like what you see? 843 00:49:58,604 --> 00:50:02,874 You know, the more I think about it... 844 00:50:02,912 --> 00:50:05,132 Mom should've gotten custody. 845 00:50:05,176 --> 00:50:07,696 Because you always gotta be fucking 846 00:50:07,743 --> 00:50:09,573 controlling everything all the time. 847 00:50:09,615 --> 00:50:12,135 You're allowed to be mad at me, Nic. I made mistakes. 848 00:50:12,183 --> 00:50:15,063 I understand that. I wish that I hadn't, but I did. 849 00:50:15,099 --> 00:50:17,879 But, God, what you're saying right now 850 00:50:17,927 --> 00:50:20,927 -doesn't make any sense. -You're doing this right now! 851 00:50:20,974 --> 00:50:22,674 -You're fucking controlling me right now! -It's not you. 852 00:50:22,715 --> 00:50:24,535 It is not you, Nic. It is the drugs talking. 853 00:50:24,586 --> 00:50:25,716 What does that even fucking mean, huh? 854 00:50:25,761 --> 00:50:27,151 Psychological terror. 855 00:50:27,198 --> 00:50:28,718 -It's what addicts do. -What the fuck 856 00:50:28,764 --> 00:50:30,034 are you doing right now, huh? 857 00:50:30,070 --> 00:50:32,940 What is this? What are you doing, huh? 858 00:50:40,994 --> 00:50:43,004 [sighs]: Oh, man. 859 00:50:46,086 --> 00:50:49,046 I didn't want it to go like this. [smacks lips] 860 00:50:50,917 --> 00:50:52,747 [chuckles] 861 00:50:52,788 --> 00:50:54,358 All right. 862 00:50:54,399 --> 00:50:56,049 I should go, Dad. 863 00:50:56,096 --> 00:50:58,136 [Nic sighs heavily] 864 00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,450 -Let me... let me book you a room. -No, Dad. 865 00:51:03,495 --> 00:51:06,185 -At a hotel for a couple of nights. -No. Dad... 866 00:51:06,237 --> 00:51:09,457 -Why don't we just go get some food? -Dad, I should go. 867 00:51:11,024 --> 00:51:12,294 Can you say good-bye, at least? 868 00:51:12,330 --> 00:51:13,850 Bye, Dad. 869 00:51:16,769 --> 00:51:18,379 [door opens] 870 00:51:21,078 --> 00:51:22,298 [door closes] 871 00:51:25,604 --> 00:51:27,564 JASPER: Where does he sleep? 872 00:51:27,606 --> 00:51:30,126 DAVID: Um, don't worry about that, sweetie. 873 00:51:30,174 --> 00:51:31,314 He's fine. 874 00:51:36,354 --> 00:51:38,754 Um... 875 00:51:38,791 --> 00:51:41,581 maybe he has a friend and he sleeps there. 876 00:51:41,620 --> 00:51:45,320 -DAVID: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe. -DAISY: Dolphin. 877 00:51:45,363 --> 00:51:47,103 -DAVID: Hope so. -DAISY: Need "E." 878 00:51:47,147 --> 00:51:48,497 Elephant. 879 00:51:48,540 --> 00:51:50,670 -Can I call him? -Hmm. 880 00:51:50,716 --> 00:51:52,456 -No. I tried. -[Daisy speaks indistinctly] 881 00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:55,550 -His phone's disconnected. -Can I send him a message? 882 00:51:55,590 --> 00:51:59,900 Maybe he'll get lonely and turn his phone back on? 883 00:51:59,942 --> 00:52:02,342 That's a good idea. 884 00:52:02,380 --> 00:52:04,340 Yeah. Let's try that. 885 00:52:04,382 --> 00:52:07,122 [Daisy speaks indistinctly] 886 00:52:07,167 --> 00:52:09,557 [crickets chirping softly] 887 00:52:27,883 --> 00:52:30,283 -♪ -[typing] 888 00:52:49,122 --> 00:52:51,522 [vehicle passing by] 889 00:52:58,479 --> 00:53:00,179 KAREN [calls]: Dave. 890 00:53:00,220 --> 00:53:02,530 -Yeah? -[quietly]: Okay. Let's go. 891 00:53:03,528 --> 00:53:06,228 [footsteps approaching] 892 00:53:06,270 --> 00:53:08,230 Hey, Dave, close your eyes. 893 00:53:08,272 --> 00:53:09,802 Okay. 894 00:53:13,277 --> 00:53:15,237 And... open 'em! 895 00:53:16,584 --> 00:53:18,284 [whispers]: Oh. Wow. 896 00:53:18,325 --> 00:53:19,715 Wow! 897 00:53:19,761 --> 00:53:22,371 [faint, distorted voices of children singing] 898 00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:27,201 -[waves lapping gently] -[faint singing continues] 899 00:53:40,347 --> 00:53:43,787 [voices fade] 900 00:53:46,745 --> 00:53:49,745 [waves continue lapping] 901 00:53:56,363 --> 00:53:58,803 [phone ringing] 902 00:54:08,723 --> 00:54:11,163 [phone continues ringing] 903 00:54:17,950 --> 00:54:19,650 Hello? 904 00:54:19,691 --> 00:54:22,481 This is Julie Ford at the Bellevue Hospital in New York. 905 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,350 Is Nic Sheff your son? 906 00:54:27,916 --> 00:54:29,436 MAN: Uh, Mr. Sheff, 907 00:54:29,483 --> 00:54:31,923 I'm sorry we missed each other earlier. 908 00:54:31,964 --> 00:54:35,104 So, Nic is still experiencing some respiratory depression, 909 00:54:35,141 --> 00:54:37,011 but his vital signs are returning. 910 00:54:37,056 --> 00:54:39,406 Sir, we're ready for departure. 911 00:54:39,450 --> 00:54:40,930 Okay, okay. 912 00:54:40,973 --> 00:54:43,583 Um... may I talk to him? 913 00:54:43,628 --> 00:54:46,018 -No, that won't be possible. -Sir, I need you to turn off 914 00:54:46,065 --> 00:54:47,675 -the phone. -Believe me, we shouldn't wake him up. 915 00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:49,589 -Mm-hmm. -Try again in a few hours, though, okay? 916 00:54:49,634 --> 00:54:52,594 -Okay. Uh, would you let him know that... -Sir. Sir. 917 00:54:52,637 --> 00:54:56,027 -Please. -Would you please let him know that I'm on my way? 918 00:54:56,075 --> 00:54:57,465 [ding] 919 00:54:58,425 --> 00:54:59,635 [beep] 920 00:54:59,687 --> 00:55:01,467 [indistinct announcement over P.A.] 921 00:55:01,515 --> 00:55:04,385 ♪ 922 00:55:04,431 --> 00:55:05,611 WOMAN: He checked out. 923 00:55:05,650 --> 00:55:06,870 DAVID: What? 924 00:55:06,912 --> 00:55:08,352 Against doctor's orders. 925 00:55:08,392 --> 00:55:10,442 -No, no, he O.D.'d. -I'm sorry, sir. 926 00:55:10,481 --> 00:55:12,791 He pulled out the I.V. and catheter, and left. 927 00:55:12,831 --> 00:55:14,221 How long ago? 928 00:55:14,267 --> 00:55:16,697 Ten to 15 minutes. 929 00:55:16,748 --> 00:55:19,138 I'm sorry, sir. 930 00:55:19,185 --> 00:55:21,535 ♪ 931 00:55:25,278 --> 00:55:27,628 ["Darling" by the Chips playing] 932 00:55:30,370 --> 00:55:33,030 ♪ Darling, I need your love... ♪ 933 00:55:36,811 --> 00:55:38,031 [sighs] 934 00:55:38,073 --> 00:55:40,473 [phone ringing] 935 00:55:42,817 --> 00:55:44,777 -[beep] -Yes. 936 00:55:44,819 --> 00:55:46,999 [Nic crying] 937 00:55:47,039 --> 00:55:49,219 -[bell jingling] -♪ Your love 938 00:55:49,258 --> 00:55:52,478 ♪ Darling, I need your love 939 00:55:52,523 --> 00:55:54,663 ♪ Darling 940 00:55:54,699 --> 00:55:58,659 ♪ I love you so 941 00:55:58,703 --> 00:56:02,663 ♪ And I want the whole world to know ♪ 942 00:56:02,707 --> 00:56:05,407 ♪ I'll never let you go... 943 00:56:05,449 --> 00:56:07,489 NIC: Look, I've thought about it, 944 00:56:07,538 --> 00:56:09,408 and I'm done with drugs. 945 00:56:09,453 --> 00:56:11,543 This is it. 946 00:56:13,935 --> 00:56:16,325 I'm telling you, Dad. 947 00:56:16,373 --> 00:56:18,333 I'm done. 948 00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:22,375 ♪ You're all I ever dream of 949 00:56:23,945 --> 00:56:27,375 ♪ Never leave me... 950 00:56:28,515 --> 00:56:30,905 And how would that work? 951 00:56:30,952 --> 00:56:34,432 I mean, after what just happened. 952 00:56:34,478 --> 00:56:38,308 -♪ Oh... -♪ Stay with me 953 00:56:38,351 --> 00:56:42,311 ♪ Oh, stay with me, oh, darling ♪ 954 00:56:42,355 --> 00:56:45,705 -♪ Darling, I need your kiss -[crying] 955 00:56:45,750 --> 00:56:48,230 ♪ Your love I can't resist... 956 00:56:49,667 --> 00:56:51,797 REPORTER: Now, if you're in the area, 957 00:56:51,843 --> 00:56:53,413 evacuation orders and details, 958 00:56:53,453 --> 00:56:55,723 including relocation centers, can be found on... 959 00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,110 DAVID: So, at 3:00, we have a conference call 960 00:56:58,153 --> 00:56:59,723 with the intake people in Mississippi. 961 00:56:59,764 --> 00:57:01,074 REPORTER: That's all for now. 962 00:57:01,113 --> 00:57:02,723 DAVID: 3:30, the one in New Mexico. 963 00:57:02,767 --> 00:57:04,727 And 4:00, the one in Oregon. 964 00:57:04,769 --> 00:57:07,469 VICKI: I did some research on the one in New Mexico. 965 00:57:07,511 --> 00:57:10,821 -DAVID: Mm-hmm. -They charge $40,000 a month. 966 00:57:10,862 --> 00:57:12,432 You know, it's not even that well rated. 967 00:57:12,472 --> 00:57:14,522 We'll just skip that one. 968 00:57:14,561 --> 00:57:17,301 VICKI: Listen, if a spot opens up here in Los Angeles, 969 00:57:17,346 --> 00:57:19,516 maybe that's the best solution for now. 970 00:57:19,566 --> 00:57:22,526 -I'll hear back from them in an hour. -Mm. 971 00:57:23,788 --> 00:57:25,748 Give it a rest, David. 972 00:57:25,790 --> 00:57:27,920 Why don't you let me take over for now? 973 00:57:33,275 --> 00:57:34,795 Mm. 974 00:57:34,842 --> 00:57:36,632 YOUNG NIC: Dad? 975 00:57:36,670 --> 00:57:38,460 DAVID: Yeah. 976 00:57:38,498 --> 00:57:42,418 YOUNG NIC: Will you check on me every 15 minutes? 977 00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:44,809 DAVID: Yes. 978 00:57:50,815 --> 00:57:54,075 ♪ Close your eyes 979 00:57:54,122 --> 00:57:57,522 ♪ Have no fear 980 00:57:57,561 --> 00:57:59,691 ♪ The monster's gone 981 00:57:59,737 --> 00:58:01,647 ♪ He's on the run 982 00:58:01,695 --> 00:58:05,305 ♪ And your daddy's here 983 00:58:06,570 --> 00:58:08,660 ♪ Beautiful, beautiful 984 00:58:08,702 --> 00:58:10,052 ♪ Beautiful 985 00:58:10,095 --> 00:58:13,095 ♪ Beautiful boy 986 00:58:16,188 --> 00:58:18,278 ♪ Beautiful, beautiful 987 00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:19,800 ♪ Beautiful 988 00:58:19,844 --> 00:58:22,324 DAVID and JOHN LENNON: ♪ Beautiful boy 989 00:58:22,368 --> 00:58:24,678 Do you want to bring one of your dinosaurs, too? 990 00:58:24,718 --> 00:58:27,718 DAVID and LENNON: ♪ Before you cross the street 991 00:58:27,765 --> 00:58:29,545 How about a book? 992 00:58:29,593 --> 00:58:31,203 ♪ Take my hand 993 00:58:31,246 --> 00:58:33,766 No? Okay. 994 00:58:33,814 --> 00:58:36,124 ♪ Life is what happens to you 995 00:58:36,164 --> 00:58:37,994 ♪ While you're busy 996 00:58:38,036 --> 00:58:41,256 -♪ Making other plans -You ready? 997 00:58:41,300 --> 00:58:43,000 [whispers]: Hey. Hey. 998 00:58:43,041 --> 00:58:45,261 JOHN LENNON: ♪ Darling, darling... 999 00:58:45,304 --> 00:58:47,394 Can I have a hug? 1000 00:58:47,436 --> 00:58:48,476 No? 1001 00:58:48,525 --> 00:58:50,045 Why not? 1002 00:58:50,091 --> 00:58:52,571 Are you mad at me? 1003 00:58:52,616 --> 00:58:54,746 'Cause you have to go? 1004 00:58:55,749 --> 00:58:57,399 Okay. 1005 00:58:57,446 --> 00:59:01,276 Well... you'll be happy to see Mommy, though, right? 1006 00:59:03,322 --> 00:59:05,282 I want you to know something. 1007 00:59:05,324 --> 00:59:07,724 When you come back, I'm gonna be here... 1008 00:59:07,761 --> 00:59:10,851 right... I'm gonna be right here for you. 1009 00:59:10,895 --> 00:59:12,635 Okay? 1010 00:59:12,679 --> 00:59:15,859 And call me when you miss me, and I'll call you. 1011 00:59:17,118 --> 00:59:19,558 Do you know how much I love you? 1012 00:59:26,519 --> 00:59:30,649 If you could take all the words in the language, 1013 00:59:30,697 --> 00:59:33,827 it still wouldn't describe how much I love you. 1014 00:59:33,874 --> 00:59:37,104 And if you could gather all those words together, 1015 00:59:37,138 --> 00:59:39,878 it still wouldn't describe what I feel for you. 1016 00:59:39,924 --> 00:59:42,884 What I feel for you is everything. 1017 00:59:44,711 --> 00:59:47,581 I love you more than everything. 1018 00:59:49,281 --> 00:59:51,631 Everything? 1019 00:59:51,675 --> 00:59:53,325 Yeah, everything. 1020 01:00:01,946 --> 01:00:05,376 [jet engines whooshing] 1021 01:00:12,696 --> 01:00:15,046 [indistinct chatter] 1022 01:00:25,491 --> 01:00:27,491 Hey. 1023 01:00:27,536 --> 01:00:29,706 That's my mom. 1024 01:00:29,756 --> 01:00:32,716 I'm really glad you came to L.A. 1025 01:00:32,759 --> 01:00:34,629 You know that, right? 1026 01:00:40,506 --> 01:00:42,676 [crying]: You just don't know what it is to be... 1027 01:00:42,726 --> 01:00:44,676 -Please don't do this, Mom. -Okay. 1028 01:00:44,728 --> 01:00:46,898 [whispers]: I'm sorry. Okay. 1029 01:00:51,299 --> 01:00:53,519 [Vicki groans] 1030 01:00:53,562 --> 01:00:56,172 All I could think about was you. 1031 01:01:01,179 --> 01:01:04,529 I know this must sound meaningless, but I'm sorry. 1032 01:01:08,055 --> 01:01:10,275 [softly]: I'm-I'm sorry. 1033 01:01:11,755 --> 01:01:13,405 Oh, Nicky. 1034 01:01:13,452 --> 01:01:15,542 [Vicki sighs] 1035 01:01:15,584 --> 01:01:17,594 [Vicki mutters quietly] 1036 01:01:19,153 --> 01:01:21,683 You are such a darling. 1037 01:01:21,721 --> 01:01:23,681 You know that, right? 1038 01:01:24,768 --> 01:01:26,638 [kiss] 1039 01:01:28,032 --> 01:01:30,162 [sighs]: Whew. 1040 01:01:36,083 --> 01:01:37,783 [exhales] 1041 01:01:37,824 --> 01:01:39,834 ♪ 1042 01:01:44,222 --> 01:01:46,182 Hey, come on, old man! 1043 01:01:46,224 --> 01:01:48,444 -You're being so disrespectful. -I'm not being disrespectful. 1044 01:01:48,487 --> 01:01:50,747 You're being so disrespectful. 1045 01:01:50,794 --> 01:01:52,754 [both grunting] 1046 01:01:52,796 --> 01:01:54,406 -I'm coming for you! -Oh, motherfucker! 1047 01:01:54,449 --> 01:01:57,369 Uh-huh. You about to look at my ass, baby! 1048 01:01:57,409 --> 01:01:59,669 -You about to look at my ass! -[laughing] 1049 01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:02,756 [grunting, indistinct talking] 1050 01:02:02,806 --> 01:02:06,286 ♪ 1051 01:02:08,420 --> 01:02:10,070 [panting]: Fuck. 1052 01:02:19,953 --> 01:02:22,173 [objects in box clatter] 1053 01:02:22,216 --> 01:02:23,736 [chuckles] 1054 01:02:23,783 --> 01:02:25,353 ♪ 1055 01:02:30,964 --> 01:02:33,144 [indistinct chatter] 1056 01:02:33,184 --> 01:02:34,664 That's what I get for helping. 1057 01:02:34,707 --> 01:02:36,487 -[grunting] -Why'd you pull that hard? 1058 01:02:36,535 --> 01:02:38,885 -[laughing]: I'm sorry. -Why do you hate me? 1059 01:02:39,886 --> 01:02:41,886 ♪ 1060 01:02:54,596 --> 01:02:56,596 How does this feel? 1061 01:03:00,864 --> 01:03:04,134 Like I'm a real human being. 1062 01:03:05,390 --> 01:03:08,870 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 1063 01:03:08,915 --> 01:03:12,045 [Spencer coughs, whoops] 1064 01:03:12,092 --> 01:03:15,662 NIC: One day, I tried methamphetamine... 1065 01:03:15,704 --> 01:03:18,144 Yeah. That felt good. 1066 01:03:18,185 --> 01:03:20,665 ...and I thought, 1067 01:03:20,709 --> 01:03:23,099 "This is what's been missing." 1068 01:03:23,147 --> 01:03:25,797 I felt complete. 1069 01:03:25,845 --> 01:03:27,845 SPENCER: Today's a good day. 1070 01:03:27,891 --> 01:03:30,721 NIC: Yeah, I've been chasing that high 1071 01:03:30,763 --> 01:03:32,723 ever since. 1072 01:03:32,765 --> 01:03:34,715 No matter... 1073 01:03:34,767 --> 01:03:36,727 how much meth-- 1074 01:03:36,769 --> 01:03:40,689 or whatever else I can find to shoot up into my body-- 1075 01:03:40,729 --> 01:03:43,169 I do, it's never enough. 1076 01:03:43,210 --> 01:03:45,000 [others murmuring quietly] 1077 01:03:46,474 --> 01:03:49,874 And I went to a couple of rehabs, 1078 01:03:49,913 --> 01:03:51,483 I detoxed, 1079 01:03:51,523 --> 01:03:54,273 they would talk about disease, sure, 1080 01:03:54,308 --> 01:03:55,878 but... 1081 01:03:55,919 --> 01:03:57,619 it never clicked. 1082 01:04:00,488 --> 01:04:04,708 Until one day I woke up in a hospital 1083 01:04:04,753 --> 01:04:08,023 and someone asked me, 1084 01:04:08,061 --> 01:04:10,501 "What's your problem?" 1085 01:04:13,327 --> 01:04:16,547 And I said, "I'm an alcoholic and an addict." 1086 01:04:16,591 --> 01:04:18,381 And he said... 1087 01:04:18,419 --> 01:04:21,599 "No, that's how you've been treating your problem." 1088 01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,600 -OTHERS: Mm-hmm. -That's right. 1089 01:04:23,642 --> 01:04:27,042 I know now I need to find a way 1090 01:04:27,080 --> 01:04:30,340 to fill this... 1091 01:04:30,388 --> 01:04:32,478 big... 1092 01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:34,780 black hole in me. 1093 01:04:39,005 --> 01:04:40,875 Anyway, so... 1094 01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:44,010 -I'm 14 months clean. -[others murmuring quietly] 1095 01:04:44,054 --> 01:04:46,234 I have a job at a rehab. 1096 01:04:47,753 --> 01:04:50,023 It's fulfilling to help other people get sober. 1097 01:04:50,060 --> 01:04:52,500 [others murmuring] 1098 01:04:52,540 --> 01:04:55,720 I have a sponsor, Spencer. 1099 01:04:55,761 --> 01:04:58,591 Shows me how great my life can be sober. 1100 01:05:00,026 --> 01:05:02,416 And, um, I still have family. 1101 01:05:04,422 --> 01:05:07,212 My mom's been amazing. 1102 01:05:07,251 --> 01:05:10,081 My dad's been amazing, too. 1103 01:05:10,123 --> 01:05:13,393 ["Heart of Gold" by Neil Young playing] 1104 01:05:13,431 --> 01:05:15,911 [sighs, smacks lips] 1105 01:05:15,955 --> 01:05:18,255 I want them to be proud of me. 1106 01:05:21,047 --> 01:05:23,477 ♪ 1107 01:05:39,283 --> 01:05:41,943 ♪ I want to live 1108 01:05:42,982 --> 01:05:45,552 ♪ I want to give 1109 01:05:45,593 --> 01:05:47,683 ♪ I've been a miner 1110 01:05:47,726 --> 01:05:51,296 ♪ For a heart of gold 1111 01:05:51,338 --> 01:05:54,428 ♪ It's these expressions 1112 01:05:54,472 --> 01:05:57,522 ♪ I never give that keep me searching... ♪ 1113 01:05:57,562 --> 01:06:00,222 DAVID: You all right? 1114 01:06:00,260 --> 01:06:02,390 What's wrong? You nervous? 1115 01:06:02,436 --> 01:06:03,696 Yeah. 1116 01:06:03,742 --> 01:06:05,572 ♪ And I'm getting old 1117 01:06:08,312 --> 01:06:10,312 ♪ Keep me searching for a... 1118 01:06:10,357 --> 01:06:12,617 KAREN: Thank you for marrying me. 1119 01:06:14,013 --> 01:06:16,023 Thank you for being a perfect partner 1120 01:06:16,059 --> 01:06:18,059 in an imperfect world. 1121 01:06:19,801 --> 01:06:22,541 Thank you for introducing me to your amazing son. 1122 01:06:22,587 --> 01:06:24,627 ♪ 1123 01:06:24,676 --> 01:06:26,626 KAREN: Uh, I'm here for you, 1124 01:06:26,678 --> 01:06:27,978 and I'm here to stay. 1125 01:06:28,027 --> 01:06:30,067 DAVID: Karen, thank you... 1126 01:06:30,116 --> 01:06:32,116 for loving me. 1127 01:06:33,424 --> 01:06:35,174 And thank you for loving him. 1128 01:06:35,208 --> 01:06:36,858 [applause] 1129 01:06:36,905 --> 01:06:38,555 -♪ Keep me searching -[whistling, cheering] 1130 01:06:38,603 --> 01:06:41,353 ♪ For a heart of gold 1131 01:06:41,388 --> 01:06:43,348 ♪ You keep me searching 1132 01:06:43,390 --> 01:06:45,180 ♪ And I'm growing old 1133 01:06:45,218 --> 01:06:47,698 Looks him square in the eye, and he says, "Superman..." 1134 01:06:47,742 --> 01:06:51,142 ♪ Keep me searching for a heart of gold ♪ 1135 01:06:51,181 --> 01:06:52,701 -[Karen laughs] -DAVID: Perfect. 1136 01:06:52,747 --> 01:06:54,527 ♪ I've been a miner 1137 01:06:54,575 --> 01:06:58,185 -[indistinct chatter] -♪ For a heart of gold 1138 01:06:59,493 --> 01:07:01,193 ♪ Ah 1139 01:07:01,234 --> 01:07:02,714 ♪ Mm. 1140 01:07:05,238 --> 01:07:07,678 [dogs barking] 1141 01:07:12,637 --> 01:07:14,597 -Hey, good to see you. -Good to see you. 1142 01:07:14,639 --> 01:07:17,079 Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy! 1143 01:07:20,384 --> 01:07:22,134 Hey, Jazzy Jeff. 1144 01:07:22,168 --> 01:07:24,168 What's going on, man? 1145 01:07:24,214 --> 01:07:25,784 Hey, man, I miss you more 1146 01:07:25,824 --> 01:07:28,834 than the sun misses the moon at night. 1147 01:07:28,870 --> 01:07:30,830 Mm. [kiss] 1148 01:07:32,352 --> 01:07:34,182 -Hey, Karen. -Hey. 1149 01:07:39,490 --> 01:07:41,620 Thank you for inviting me. 1150 01:07:41,666 --> 01:07:43,276 Seriously. 1151 01:07:49,152 --> 01:07:51,202 [Daisy laughing in distance] 1152 01:07:57,290 --> 01:07:58,770 ♪ Can't steal the way 1153 01:07:58,813 --> 01:08:01,123 ♪ I fuckin' felt when I got up today ♪ 1154 01:08:01,164 --> 01:08:02,904 ♪ Well, I guess you're the judge ♪ 1155 01:08:02,948 --> 01:08:04,518 ♪ I guess you're the king 1156 01:08:04,558 --> 01:08:07,428 ♪ Of the forever beauty pageant I'm always... ♪ 1157 01:08:10,912 --> 01:08:13,312 [indistinct chatter nearby] 1158 01:08:13,350 --> 01:08:15,570 NIC: Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! 1159 01:08:15,613 --> 01:08:17,053 JASPER: Go, Daisy! 1160 01:08:17,093 --> 01:08:18,623 DAVID: Hey, honey. 1161 01:08:18,659 --> 01:08:20,099 [Daisy laughing] 1162 01:08:22,315 --> 01:08:24,185 NIC: Go, Daisy, go! 1163 01:08:24,230 --> 01:08:26,230 [kids laughing] 1164 01:08:28,278 --> 01:08:30,148 [David laughing] 1165 01:08:30,193 --> 01:08:32,413 -[Daisy laughing] -[Jasper grunts] 1166 01:08:33,892 --> 01:08:36,242 -DAVID: Nice. -[playful grunting and yelling] 1167 01:08:37,591 --> 01:08:38,901 [Daisy squealing] 1168 01:08:38,940 --> 01:08:41,600 Oh! Ah, you! 1169 01:08:41,639 --> 01:08:43,469 It's Daisy! 1170 01:08:43,510 --> 01:08:46,120 -[David laughs] -[Nic yelling] 1171 01:08:46,165 --> 01:08:47,725 DAVID: Whoa! 1172 01:08:47,775 --> 01:08:50,385 [laughter] 1173 01:08:50,430 --> 01:08:52,000 [playful shouts] 1174 01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:53,870 [David chuckling] 1175 01:08:56,001 --> 01:08:57,961 DAVID: "If the marker is depleted 1176 01:08:58,003 --> 01:08:59,923 "in meth addicts' brains, 1177 01:08:59,961 --> 01:09:02,661 "it's likely there is a loss of nerve terminals 1178 01:09:02,703 --> 01:09:05,183 "and the brain damage is irreversible. 1179 01:09:05,228 --> 01:09:07,668 "However, when I tested for VMAT2, 1180 01:09:07,708 --> 01:09:10,708 -I found normal levels." -So that's optimistic. 1181 01:09:10,755 --> 01:09:13,235 -Normal levels is optimistic, yeah. -It's... 1182 01:09:13,279 --> 01:09:14,669 -It is. -Okay. 1183 01:09:14,715 --> 01:09:16,235 -No. I'm not... -I was just checking. 1184 01:09:16,282 --> 01:09:17,762 -No, no, that's good. -Okay. 1185 01:09:17,805 --> 01:09:19,065 Basically... 1186 01:09:19,111 --> 01:09:20,421 the fried... 1187 01:09:20,460 --> 01:09:22,460 Nic's fried nerve endings 1188 01:09:22,506 --> 01:09:24,936 can grow back. 1189 01:09:24,986 --> 01:09:27,156 They say it can take two years, but... 1190 01:09:27,206 --> 01:09:29,376 -Two years? -Yeah. 1191 01:09:29,426 --> 01:09:31,946 But that's great, David. 1192 01:09:33,778 --> 01:09:35,648 [car door closes] 1193 01:09:37,521 --> 01:09:39,701 [footsteps approaching] 1194 01:09:41,264 --> 01:09:43,964 -Hey. -Hey. 1195 01:09:44,005 --> 01:09:47,095 -You're kind of late. -Yeah. It was a great meeting, 1196 01:09:47,139 --> 01:09:49,269 and after, we went to the speaker's house 1197 01:09:49,315 --> 01:09:51,225 and watched a video and... 1198 01:09:51,274 --> 01:09:55,234 saw my sober sponsee bros earlier, so... 1199 01:09:55,278 --> 01:09:57,278 No phone? 1200 01:09:57,323 --> 01:09:59,333 Oh, my cell was dead. 1201 01:10:02,198 --> 01:10:05,418 Would you be okay to do a drug test? 1202 01:10:06,463 --> 01:10:08,683 Yeah, I mean, sure. 1203 01:10:08,726 --> 01:10:10,246 Okay. 1204 01:10:27,658 --> 01:10:30,268 You understand why, right? 1205 01:10:30,313 --> 01:10:34,623 Yeah. I mean, I should've called to let you know, so... 1206 01:10:34,665 --> 01:10:38,535 I trust you-- we just need to have some sort of proof. 1207 01:10:42,325 --> 01:10:44,885 That's about as contradictory as it gets. 1208 01:10:44,936 --> 01:10:47,236 -But... -I know. I know. 1209 01:10:49,332 --> 01:10:51,512 I'll do it. No worries. 1210 01:10:51,551 --> 01:10:53,901 Nothing to hide. 1211 01:10:54,946 --> 01:10:56,376 Okay. 1212 01:10:58,689 --> 01:11:01,259 Hey, you're doing great. 1213 01:11:02,736 --> 01:11:04,556 You really are. 1214 01:11:04,608 --> 01:11:07,608 By my count, 485 days clean. 1215 01:11:07,654 --> 01:11:09,744 Wow. Come on, that's... 1216 01:11:13,660 --> 01:11:16,450 I'll just leave it in the bathroom, right? Okay. 1217 01:11:17,490 --> 01:11:19,060 All right. 1218 01:11:19,100 --> 01:11:21,060 -Good night, Dad. -Good night. 1219 01:11:21,102 --> 01:11:23,192 -I love you. -I love you, too. 1220 01:11:47,564 --> 01:11:49,964 [gulls calling] 1221 01:11:54,614 --> 01:11:56,574 -NIC: All right, Jasper, you ready? -Yep. 1222 01:11:56,616 --> 01:11:58,746 Let's go, let's go, let's go. 1223 01:11:58,792 --> 01:12:00,972 Hey. No, no, no, wait. 1224 01:12:01,012 --> 01:12:04,152 -Jasper, I don't want you to go out there. -What? 1225 01:12:04,189 --> 01:12:05,929 Mom, we won't go far, I swear! 1226 01:12:05,973 --> 01:12:07,763 KAREN: The waves are too big. It's too dangerous. 1227 01:12:07,801 --> 01:12:08,981 But I am a great swimmer. 1228 01:12:09,020 --> 01:12:10,280 I've been in waves way bigger than this. 1229 01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:12,196 Yes, I know that, but I don't want you to... 1230 01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:13,720 -Yeah, I'll stay close. -Nic will stay close, 1231 01:12:13,764 --> 01:12:16,384 you see? 1232 01:12:16,419 --> 01:12:18,119 NIC: Karen, I'm gonna stay... 1233 01:12:18,159 --> 01:12:20,029 -I'll stay close. -KAREN: Nic can go in. 1234 01:12:20,074 --> 01:12:21,214 That's fine. You, no. 1235 01:12:21,249 --> 01:12:23,119 And that is final. 1236 01:12:23,164 --> 01:12:24,604 JASPER: We'll see about that. 1237 01:12:24,644 --> 01:12:27,344 -KAREN: Hey! -NIC: Okay. It's fine. 1238 01:12:27,386 --> 01:12:29,646 It's fine. 1239 01:12:38,179 --> 01:12:40,139 Should we just play a game instead? 1240 01:12:40,181 --> 01:12:42,401 -Uh... -Yeah? 1241 01:12:44,838 --> 01:12:47,098 NIC: Are you a hurfboard? 1242 01:12:47,145 --> 01:12:49,495 -[chuckles]: No. -No? 1243 01:12:49,539 --> 01:12:51,499 Are you a hicycle? 1244 01:12:51,541 --> 01:12:53,371 -[chuckles]: No. -No? 1245 01:12:53,412 --> 01:12:55,682 Okay. Uh, are you edible? 1246 01:12:55,719 --> 01:12:57,239 Not really. 1247 01:12:57,285 --> 01:12:59,375 -Not really? -Not really. 1248 01:12:59,418 --> 01:13:00,938 So, sort of. 1249 01:13:00,985 --> 01:13:03,195 So, um... 1250 01:13:03,248 --> 01:13:04,988 are you a house? 1251 01:13:05,032 --> 01:13:08,122 -Yes. How did you know? -[chuckling] 1252 01:13:08,166 --> 01:13:09,856 You know, 1253 01:13:09,907 --> 01:13:12,297 I can read your mind. 1254 01:13:12,344 --> 01:13:15,134 -[spookily]: Ooh... -Ooh... 1255 01:13:15,173 --> 01:13:16,303 [Jasper grunts] 1256 01:13:16,348 --> 01:13:18,128 I know you're a great swimmer. 1257 01:13:18,176 --> 01:13:20,126 I'm gonna be there to cheer for you at your next swim meet. 1258 01:13:20,178 --> 01:13:21,218 How does that sound? 1259 01:13:21,266 --> 01:13:22,786 Yeah? 1260 01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:25,233 Okay. 1261 01:13:25,270 --> 01:13:27,620 Hey, is it weird to see me after all this time? 1262 01:13:27,664 --> 01:13:28,624 Or no? 1263 01:13:28,665 --> 01:13:30,405 I guess it was, at first. 1264 01:13:30,449 --> 01:13:33,499 -Okay. -I thought you might be different. 1265 01:13:33,539 --> 01:13:36,799 But you're just the same old Nic. 1266 01:13:38,152 --> 01:13:40,152 [Nic chuckles] 1267 01:13:41,504 --> 01:13:43,904 ["Wiseblood" by Zola Jesus playing] 1268 01:13:44,898 --> 01:13:48,858 ♪ This'll be 1269 01:13:48,902 --> 01:13:52,862 ♪ My last home 1270 01:13:52,906 --> 01:13:55,296 -♪ But this stream -NIC: All right. Thanks. 1271 01:13:55,343 --> 01:13:59,303 ♪ Will carry me through 1272 01:13:59,347 --> 01:14:02,477 -That was a great weekend. -Mm-hmm. 1273 01:14:02,525 --> 01:14:05,265 -♪ But this stream -Bye, Nic! 1274 01:14:05,310 --> 01:14:10,010 ♪ Isn't home no more 1275 01:14:10,054 --> 01:14:12,234 ♪ And truth can 1276 01:14:12,273 --> 01:14:16,843 ♪ Make immune 1277 01:14:16,887 --> 01:14:19,717 ♪ If it doesn't make you wiser ♪ 1278 01:14:19,759 --> 01:14:21,499 ♪ Doesn't make you stronger 1279 01:14:21,544 --> 01:14:25,814 ♪ Doesn't make you live a little bit ♪ 1280 01:14:25,852 --> 01:14:30,772 ♪ What are you doing? 1281 01:14:30,814 --> 01:14:33,474 [cheering and applause] 1282 01:14:33,512 --> 01:14:36,122 ♪ If it doesn't make you wiser ♪ 1283 01:14:36,167 --> 01:14:38,597 ♪ Doesn't make you stronger 1284 01:14:38,648 --> 01:14:42,388 ♪ Doesn't make you live a little bit ♪ 1285 01:14:42,434 --> 01:14:49,494 ♪ What are you doing? 1286 01:14:49,528 --> 01:14:51,918 [cheering, chatter] 1287 01:14:55,708 --> 01:14:58,538 -Go, Nic! -[cheering] 1288 01:14:58,581 --> 01:15:00,971 [cheering and applause] 1289 01:15:05,413 --> 01:15:06,763 ♪ 1290 01:15:06,806 --> 01:15:10,456 ♪ In these parting days 1291 01:15:10,506 --> 01:15:15,286 ♪ I am losing all my senses 1292 01:15:15,336 --> 01:15:18,296 ♪ In these timeless days 1293 01:15:18,339 --> 01:15:24,519 ♪ I can barely see through. 1294 01:15:25,956 --> 01:15:28,516 Bye, Nic! Bye, Nic! 1295 01:15:28,567 --> 01:15:30,787 Bye, Nic! 1296 01:15:35,574 --> 01:15:37,974 ♪ 1297 01:15:53,287 --> 01:15:55,587 SPENCER [over phone]: One day at a time, man. 1298 01:15:55,638 --> 01:15:57,198 Congratulations. Welcome to the real world. 1299 01:15:57,248 --> 01:15:59,078 NIC: Oh, I don't want to live in the real world. 1300 01:15:59,119 --> 01:16:00,729 I'm so sick of living in it. 1301 01:16:00,773 --> 01:16:02,253 -[exhales] -That's your disease talking to you, man. 1302 01:16:02,296 --> 01:16:03,776 -Oh, I'm trying. -By trying to isolate you. 1303 01:16:03,820 --> 01:16:05,390 Trying to kill you. You know this, man. 1304 01:16:05,430 --> 01:16:07,260 I don't feel like I have a disease, Spencer. 1305 01:16:07,301 --> 01:16:09,091 I feel like... [clicks tongue] 1306 01:16:09,129 --> 01:16:12,179 -Well, you got to. -This isn't like fucking cancer. 1307 01:16:12,219 --> 01:16:15,529 This is my fucking choice. I put myself here. 1308 01:16:15,571 --> 01:16:17,181 Yeah, you did. You did put yourself there. 1309 01:16:17,224 --> 01:16:18,924 Are you gonna let me talk or what? 1310 01:16:18,965 --> 01:16:21,925 Okay? Like, you're a writer, right? So write. 1311 01:16:21,968 --> 01:16:24,278 You're good at it. This is your day. This is a choice. 1312 01:16:24,318 --> 01:16:26,018 -What do you want to do now? -[whispers]: Fucking... 1313 01:16:26,059 --> 01:16:27,759 Once you get high, you lose all your choices. 1314 01:16:27,800 --> 01:16:29,540 -If you get high, you lose everything. -Right. 1315 01:16:29,585 --> 01:16:32,405 All right, so you got to keep choosing the right way. 1316 01:16:34,981 --> 01:16:36,941 -Right. -That's right. 1317 01:16:36,983 --> 01:16:38,773 You choose the right way. 1318 01:16:38,811 --> 01:16:40,291 Right. All right, hey, listen, 1319 01:16:40,334 --> 01:16:41,814 I'm gonna give you a call later, all right? 1320 01:16:41,858 --> 01:16:43,338 Uh, I-I feel like I'm gonna do all right. 1321 01:16:43,381 --> 01:16:44,641 You blowing me off now? 1322 01:16:44,687 --> 01:16:46,297 You gonna call me and waste my time? 1323 01:16:46,340 --> 01:16:48,080 Don't waste my time. I'm here for you, man. 1324 01:16:48,125 --> 01:16:49,645 You know what, look, I'm having some steaks tonight. 1325 01:16:49,692 --> 01:16:50,822 Why don't you come over for dinner. 1326 01:16:50,867 --> 01:16:52,087 -All right, I'll see you then. -You... 1327 01:16:52,129 --> 01:16:53,519 That sounds great. I'll see you then. 1328 01:16:53,565 --> 01:16:54,995 -Yo, Nic, Nic. -Yes, sir. I'll see you then. 1329 01:16:55,045 --> 01:16:57,125 -Nic... -All right, bye-bye. 1330 01:17:13,933 --> 01:17:15,893 [sighs] 1331 01:17:15,935 --> 01:17:18,325 [crying] 1332 01:17:38,871 --> 01:17:41,271 [muffled music playing] 1333 01:17:41,308 --> 01:17:43,698 [indistinct chatter] 1334 01:17:54,147 --> 01:17:56,187 WOMAN: Nic Sheff. 1335 01:17:56,236 --> 01:17:58,196 Lauren. What? 1336 01:17:58,238 --> 01:18:00,458 What are you... [chuckles] 1337 01:18:00,501 --> 01:18:02,291 [chuckles] 1338 01:18:02,329 --> 01:18:04,029 Wow, it's been a long time. 1339 01:18:04,070 --> 01:18:05,550 What-what are you doing here? 1340 01:18:05,593 --> 01:18:08,123 [chuckles] Just, uh... 1341 01:18:08,161 --> 01:18:09,951 [chuckles] 1342 01:18:09,989 --> 01:18:12,299 What? 1343 01:18:15,473 --> 01:18:17,043 I've been sober for a while, 1344 01:18:17,083 --> 01:18:20,133 but I'm seriously looking to party right now. 1345 01:18:20,173 --> 01:18:23,393 [both chuckle] 1346 01:18:27,833 --> 01:18:30,013 -[indistinct chatter] -[man shouts] 1347 01:18:30,053 --> 01:18:32,403 [siren wailing in distance] 1348 01:18:41,629 --> 01:18:43,409 [laughter] 1349 01:18:43,457 --> 01:18:46,157 I got what you need. We have E, we have pills, man. 1350 01:18:46,199 --> 01:18:48,249 We have E. I told you, I told you. 1351 01:18:48,288 --> 01:18:50,248 [light switch clicks] 1352 01:18:50,290 --> 01:18:52,510 [door shuts] 1353 01:18:56,209 --> 01:18:58,999 NIC: Can you get me a cup of water and a spoon? 1354 01:18:59,038 --> 01:19:00,428 Mm-hmm. 1355 01:19:00,474 --> 01:19:02,834 All right. 1356 01:19:08,656 --> 01:19:10,656 ♪ 1357 01:19:16,229 --> 01:19:18,929 [footsteps approaching] 1358 01:19:18,971 --> 01:19:21,371 -Mm-hmm. -All right. 1359 01:19:21,408 --> 01:19:24,018 -Here you go. -Thank you. 1360 01:19:25,021 --> 01:19:27,241 Cotton and a spoon. 1361 01:19:39,339 --> 01:19:42,299 [chuckling softly] 1362 01:19:46,259 --> 01:19:47,649 [clears throat] 1363 01:19:47,695 --> 01:19:49,955 [coughs] 1364 01:19:50,002 --> 01:19:52,832 Mmm. 1365 01:19:52,875 --> 01:19:55,265 [laughing] 1366 01:20:03,537 --> 01:20:05,757 -NIC: All right, that's it. -[exhales] 1367 01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:07,761 That's it. 1368 01:20:07,803 --> 01:20:10,413 [groans] 1369 01:20:10,457 --> 01:20:12,067 [coughs, gasps] 1370 01:20:12,111 --> 01:20:14,241 [exhales] 1371 01:20:14,287 --> 01:20:15,677 [chuckles] 1372 01:20:15,723 --> 01:20:17,423 [inhales deeply] 1373 01:20:17,464 --> 01:20:19,424 [exhales] Wow. 1374 01:20:19,466 --> 01:20:21,426 [sniffs] 1375 01:20:21,468 --> 01:20:24,468 [sighs] 1376 01:20:44,361 --> 01:20:46,801 [panting] 1377 01:21:02,161 --> 01:21:04,561 [panting] 1378 01:21:12,128 --> 01:21:14,518 [panting] 1379 01:21:17,960 --> 01:21:19,960 [grunts] 1380 01:21:22,355 --> 01:21:24,785 [panting] 1381 01:21:37,196 --> 01:21:40,416 [panting] 1382 01:21:40,460 --> 01:21:42,250 -[panting] -[groans] 1383 01:21:42,288 --> 01:21:44,678 [panting] 1384 01:21:49,817 --> 01:21:53,387 -[panting] -[groans, panting] 1385 01:21:53,430 --> 01:21:55,870 [panting] 1386 01:21:58,435 --> 01:22:00,865 [moaning, panting deeply] 1387 01:22:09,402 --> 01:22:11,362 [birds chirping] 1388 01:22:11,404 --> 01:22:13,844 [children laughing and shouting in distance] 1389 01:22:32,425 --> 01:22:34,905 [inhales] 1390 01:22:38,692 --> 01:22:40,832 FEMALE VOICE: Your call has been forwarded 1391 01:22:40,868 --> 01:22:42,828 to an automated voice messaging system. 1392 01:22:42,870 --> 01:22:44,700 At the tone, please record your message. 1393 01:22:44,742 --> 01:22:46,002 [beep] 1394 01:22:46,048 --> 01:22:47,658 DAVID: It's Dad again. 1395 01:22:47,701 --> 01:22:49,701 I feel like you might have been a little down 1396 01:22:49,747 --> 01:22:52,617 when you left, Nic, so I'm here to talk if you need to. 1397 01:22:52,663 --> 01:22:55,323 -[sniffles] -All right. 1398 01:22:59,061 --> 01:23:01,451 [sighs] 1399 01:23:07,460 --> 01:23:09,940 So you have no idea where he is? 1400 01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:12,505 VICKI: Uh, Spencer told me he heard from him. 1401 01:23:12,552 --> 01:23:15,512 He was having a difficult time, but he was pulling through. 1402 01:23:15,555 --> 01:23:19,255 But, yeah, he's not at work, he's not at home. 1403 01:23:19,298 --> 01:23:21,648 -He's unreachable on his cell. -Damn it. Damn it. Vicki, 1404 01:23:21,692 --> 01:23:24,652 he left here two days ago. Why didn't you check on him? 1405 01:23:24,695 --> 01:23:27,045 You're supposed to be taking care of this kid, right? 1406 01:23:27,089 --> 01:23:28,659 What the fuck, David? 1407 01:23:28,699 --> 01:23:30,959 Who's been taking care of him the last year? 1408 01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:32,566 Well, you could've checked on him. 1409 01:23:32,616 --> 01:23:34,306 I mean, what the fuck is your problem? 1410 01:23:34,357 --> 01:23:36,877 What do you think I do all day? 1411 01:23:36,924 --> 01:23:40,284 Besides, we can't run surveillance on him 24/7. 1412 01:23:40,319 --> 01:23:43,279 I think you need to go to the police right now 1413 01:23:43,322 --> 01:23:45,282 and file a missing persons report, okay? 1414 01:23:45,324 --> 01:23:47,244 -Stop yelling at me! -No, I'm not gonna stop 1415 01:23:47,283 --> 01:23:49,553 -yelling at you, Vicki. -I hate it when you do that. 1416 01:23:49,589 --> 01:23:50,979 -Because you're just... -You're totally crazy. 1417 01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:52,416 What are you even doing there?! 1418 01:23:52,462 --> 01:23:54,292 -Fucking unfair, David! -No, no! Listen to me! 1419 01:23:54,333 --> 01:23:56,343 -What are... -[beeping] 1420 01:23:57,336 --> 01:23:59,636 [exhales] Damn. 1421 01:23:59,686 --> 01:24:02,166 Fuck! 1422 01:24:08,739 --> 01:24:10,439 Dave? 1423 01:24:10,480 --> 01:24:13,220 Could you call my phone, please? 1424 01:24:16,225 --> 01:24:18,095 What's going on? 1425 01:24:18,140 --> 01:24:20,010 He's gone. 1426 01:24:21,360 --> 01:24:24,410 How do we even know he's in L.A.? 1427 01:24:24,450 --> 01:24:27,060 I mean, he could be in San Francisco. He could be... 1428 01:24:27,105 --> 01:24:29,495 he could be in fucking Mexico, for all we know. 1429 01:24:29,542 --> 01:24:31,112 I need to go. 1430 01:24:31,153 --> 01:24:33,853 Yeah, but I need you to stay. 1431 01:24:33,894 --> 01:24:35,684 Well, Vicki can't handle it like I... 1432 01:24:35,722 --> 01:24:38,032 I don't care about Vicki. This isn't about Vicki. 1433 01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:41,693 Okay, why don't you just relax and try to be reasonable. 1434 01:24:41,728 --> 01:24:43,948 -What? You be reasonable. -I am being reasonable. 1435 01:24:43,991 --> 01:24:44,991 Is this reasonable?! 1436 01:24:45,036 --> 01:24:47,596 No! It's not! 1437 01:24:47,647 --> 01:24:49,037 How can I be?! 1438 01:24:49,084 --> 01:24:50,614 My son is out there somewhere, 1439 01:24:50,650 --> 01:24:52,260 and I don't know what he's doing! 1440 01:24:52,304 --> 01:24:53,874 I don't know how to help him! 1441 01:24:53,914 --> 01:24:56,354 You can't! 1442 01:25:06,840 --> 01:25:08,580 DAISY: I can't sleep. 1443 01:25:08,625 --> 01:25:11,055 [sniffles] 1444 01:25:12,629 --> 01:25:13,589 You can't sleep? 1445 01:25:13,630 --> 01:25:15,150 I can't sleep. 1446 01:25:15,197 --> 01:25:16,417 Okay. 1447 01:25:16,459 --> 01:25:18,239 [Daisy whimpers] 1448 01:25:20,593 --> 01:25:22,603 Good night, Daddy. 1449 01:25:23,596 --> 01:25:25,156 Good night. 1450 01:25:25,207 --> 01:25:27,027 ♪ Sunrise 1451 01:25:27,078 --> 01:25:29,598 ♪ Sunset 1452 01:25:29,646 --> 01:25:32,076 ♪ 1453 01:25:50,057 --> 01:25:52,757 ♪ Is this the little girl 1454 01:25:52,799 --> 01:25:55,629 ♪ I carried? 1455 01:25:57,543 --> 01:26:00,553 ♪ Is this the little boy 1456 01:26:00,590 --> 01:26:02,550 ♪ At play? 1457 01:26:02,592 --> 01:26:04,292 Let go! 1458 01:26:04,333 --> 01:26:05,993 Airplane flying! 1459 01:26:06,030 --> 01:26:07,600 -♪ I don't remember -[whooping] 1460 01:26:07,640 --> 01:26:11,040 -♪ Growing older -Airplane! 1461 01:26:11,078 --> 01:26:13,038 Fly away! Fly! 1462 01:26:13,080 --> 01:26:14,780 [whoops] 1463 01:26:14,821 --> 01:26:18,521 -♪ When did they? -Airplane! Push! 1464 01:26:21,654 --> 01:26:24,704 ♪ When did she get to be 1465 01:26:24,744 --> 01:26:27,094 ♪ A beauty? 1466 01:26:27,138 --> 01:26:29,398 [typing] 1467 01:26:29,445 --> 01:26:32,135 ♪ When did he grow to be 1468 01:26:32,187 --> 01:26:34,927 ♪ So tall? 1469 01:26:34,972 --> 01:26:37,582 ♪ Ooh... 1470 01:26:37,627 --> 01:26:39,887 ♪ Wasn't it yesterday 1471 01:26:39,933 --> 01:26:42,553 ♪ That they 1472 01:26:42,588 --> 01:26:47,418 ♪ Were small? 1473 01:26:47,463 --> 01:26:49,863 ♪ 1474 01:26:52,294 --> 01:26:54,644 ♪ Sunrise 1475 01:26:54,687 --> 01:26:57,037 ♪ Sunset 1476 01:26:57,081 --> 01:26:59,041 ♪ Sunrise 1477 01:26:59,083 --> 01:27:00,653 ♪ Sunset 1478 01:27:00,693 --> 01:27:03,313 -♪ Swiftly -[indistinct chatter] 1479 01:27:03,348 --> 01:27:09,088 ♪ Fly the years 1480 01:27:09,136 --> 01:27:11,096 ♪ One season 1481 01:27:11,138 --> 01:27:17,278 ♪ Following another 1482 01:27:17,319 --> 01:27:20,579 ♪ Laden with happiness... 1483 01:27:20,626 --> 01:27:22,406 -KAREN: No. Uh-uh. Come on, not you. Come on. -DAVID: Hold on. 1484 01:27:22,454 --> 01:27:24,204 -Get back in. Guys, come on. -Hold on. Hold on, honey. 1485 01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:25,979 -Wait. -Good dog. 1486 01:27:26,023 --> 01:27:27,853 -♪ One season... -KAREN: What's up? 1487 01:27:27,894 --> 01:27:31,164 I thought Nic was gonna be here today. 1488 01:27:31,202 --> 01:27:33,472 Uh, no. Something came up. 1489 01:27:34,466 --> 01:27:36,596 Can I call him? 1490 01:27:36,642 --> 01:27:38,602 No, no. You can't. 1491 01:27:38,644 --> 01:27:40,214 It's not gonna be possible. 1492 01:27:40,255 --> 01:27:41,295 Why not? 1493 01:27:41,343 --> 01:27:43,303 Because it's not. 1494 01:27:43,345 --> 01:27:46,125 Is Nic back on drugs again? 1495 01:27:46,173 --> 01:27:48,263 ♪ Sunrise 1496 01:27:48,306 --> 01:27:50,216 ♪ Sunset 1497 01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:52,955 -♪ Sunrise -We don't know, honey. 1498 01:27:53,006 --> 01:27:55,526 ♪ Sunset. 1499 01:28:06,019 --> 01:28:08,409 [chiming quietly] 1500 01:28:09,501 --> 01:28:12,851 [phone ringing] 1501 01:28:21,121 --> 01:28:23,521 [phone ringing in distance] 1502 01:28:26,823 --> 01:28:29,263 [phone ringing] 1503 01:28:30,870 --> 01:28:33,310 [wind chimes tinkling] 1504 01:28:49,802 --> 01:28:52,242 [rattling] 1505 01:29:04,251 --> 01:29:05,991 [mutters] 1506 01:29:22,357 --> 01:29:24,007 [clattering] 1507 01:29:25,142 --> 01:29:26,882 [rattling] 1508 01:29:29,581 --> 01:29:31,501 All right. 1509 01:30:02,875 --> 01:30:04,655 [inhales deeply] 1510 01:30:04,703 --> 01:30:07,103 [exhales] 1511 01:30:18,978 --> 01:30:21,418 [birds chirping] 1512 01:30:47,006 --> 01:30:49,356 [clicks tongue] 1513 01:31:03,153 --> 01:31:05,113 [applause and cheering] 1514 01:31:05,155 --> 01:31:06,935 [whooping, indistinct shouting] 1515 01:31:06,983 --> 01:31:08,813 [buzzer sounds] 1516 01:31:09,855 --> 01:31:11,285 [whoops] 1517 01:31:11,335 --> 01:31:12,675 [applause and cheering] 1518 01:31:12,728 --> 01:31:15,118 Come on, Jasper! Whup. 1519 01:31:19,952 --> 01:31:22,172 [whistling, whooping, shouting, cheering continue] 1520 01:31:26,568 --> 01:31:28,568 Yup. 1521 01:31:32,356 --> 01:31:34,486 [cheering] 1522 01:31:37,143 --> 01:31:39,493 [applause, cheering, whistling continue in distance] 1523 01:31:46,979 --> 01:31:50,029 [vehicle approaching] 1524 01:31:50,069 --> 01:31:52,029 [quiet beeping] 1525 01:31:52,071 --> 01:31:53,161 DAVID: You got it? 1526 01:31:53,203 --> 01:31:55,293 Oh, fuck. Okay. Hey, Lauren. 1527 01:31:56,511 --> 01:31:58,251 -Lauren, let's go. -What? 1528 01:31:58,295 --> 01:31:59,855 We got to go. 1529 01:31:59,905 --> 01:32:01,515 [dog barking] 1530 01:32:01,559 --> 01:32:03,469 -What's going on? -Here. 1531 01:32:03,518 --> 01:32:06,168 We got to go. 1532 01:32:06,216 --> 01:32:08,216 Fine. 1533 01:32:21,623 --> 01:32:24,233 JASPER: I think I just saw Nic. 1534 01:32:24,277 --> 01:32:26,017 KAREN: What? 1535 01:32:26,062 --> 01:32:29,202 I think I just saw Nic and a girl running away. 1536 01:32:29,239 --> 01:32:31,239 [panting] 1537 01:32:35,941 --> 01:32:37,511 DAISY: Nic. 1538 01:32:37,552 --> 01:32:38,992 KAREN: Uh, no. Stay inside. 1539 01:32:39,031 --> 01:32:40,821 -Okay. -No. 1540 01:32:40,859 --> 01:32:44,689 All right, no. Stay inside! I am not kidding, all right? 1541 01:32:44,733 --> 01:32:46,563 Stay there. 1542 01:32:46,604 --> 01:32:48,174 [door opens] 1543 01:32:48,214 --> 01:32:49,614 [Lauren grunts softly] 1544 01:32:49,651 --> 01:32:51,611 -Okay. -[car door closes] 1545 01:32:51,653 --> 01:32:54,263 -[whispering]: Shit. -Never again. 1546 01:32:54,307 --> 01:32:56,567 -It's okay. Hey. -What do we do? What do we do? 1547 01:32:56,614 --> 01:32:58,014 It's all right. 1548 01:32:58,050 --> 01:33:00,050 [birds singing] 1549 01:33:02,968 --> 01:33:05,138 That was so terrible. 1550 01:33:05,188 --> 01:33:08,368 Oh, fuck! 1551 01:33:08,408 --> 01:33:11,238 [engine starts] 1552 01:33:11,281 --> 01:33:12,761 [engine revving] 1553 01:33:12,804 --> 01:33:15,204 Nic? Nic? Nic! 1554 01:33:16,895 --> 01:33:18,285 Oh... 1555 01:33:19,724 --> 01:33:22,644 ♪ All the ladies of court 1556 01:33:22,684 --> 01:33:24,514 ♪ Gather round 1557 01:33:25,817 --> 01:33:28,247 ♪ Joining in heavenly fare 1558 01:33:28,298 --> 01:33:30,388 [engine revving] 1559 01:33:30,430 --> 01:33:32,390 Oh. No. No. No. 1560 01:33:32,432 --> 01:33:34,912 -[sighs] -♪ Gathering promises 1561 01:33:34,957 --> 01:33:36,997 ♪ Of future heroes 1562 01:33:37,046 --> 01:33:39,476 ♪ Showing faith 1563 01:33:39,526 --> 01:33:42,176 ♪ It is all as you go 1564 01:33:44,880 --> 01:33:50,150 ♪ Red light and green light and men in their armor ♪ 1565 01:33:50,189 --> 01:33:55,329 ♪ And fight for the queen if you dare ♪ 1566 01:33:56,848 --> 01:34:00,328 ♪ It's a long way to go 1567 01:34:00,373 --> 01:34:03,553 ♪ To test out your mettle 1568 01:34:03,594 --> 01:34:06,684 ♪ Well, a long way to go 1569 01:34:06,728 --> 01:34:10,818 ♪ To go down 1570 01:34:15,040 --> 01:34:17,390 ♪ And I'll write them a letter ♪ 1571 01:34:19,392 --> 01:34:22,922 ♪ I said forgive all we've done ♪ 1572 01:34:24,615 --> 01:34:29,705 ♪ Please first grant this favor, sir ♪ 1573 01:34:29,751 --> 01:34:32,321 ♪ Forgive us quick or we'll run ♪ 1574 01:34:36,322 --> 01:34:38,322 ♪ Or we'll run 1575 01:34:41,371 --> 01:34:43,071 ♪ Or we'll run 1576 01:34:43,112 --> 01:34:45,942 [sighs] 1577 01:34:45,984 --> 01:34:48,474 ♪ Or we'll run 1578 01:34:48,508 --> 01:34:51,288 Come on! 1579 01:34:51,337 --> 01:34:53,907 ♪ Or... 1580 01:34:53,949 --> 01:34:59,259 ♪ We'll run... 1581 01:35:14,621 --> 01:35:16,801 [crying] 1582 01:35:18,756 --> 01:35:21,976 -[crying] -I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 1583 01:35:25,894 --> 01:35:27,904 [birds singing] 1584 01:35:29,027 --> 01:35:30,727 [crying] 1585 01:35:30,768 --> 01:35:32,728 [distant horns honk] 1586 01:35:36,861 --> 01:35:39,301 [panting] 1587 01:35:42,171 --> 01:35:44,961 [Nic clears throat] 1588 01:35:46,044 --> 01:35:47,794 Okay. Okay. 1589 01:35:47,829 --> 01:35:50,009 [line ringing] 1590 01:35:50,048 --> 01:35:51,788 WOMAN [over phone]: 911. What is your emergency? 1591 01:35:51,833 --> 01:35:53,793 Yeah. Hi. Uh, I got a f... I'm-I'm with a friend. 1592 01:35:53,835 --> 01:35:55,135 She just O.D.'d, and, uh, 1593 01:35:55,184 --> 01:35:56,794 I need an ambulance, I need some help. 1594 01:35:56,838 --> 01:35:58,188 Sir, do you know CPR? 1595 01:35:58,230 --> 01:35:59,750 Yeah, I'm doing it right now. I just... 1596 01:35:59,797 --> 01:36:01,887 Uh, we... You-you guys, you got to send an ambulance, 1597 01:36:01,930 --> 01:36:04,110 -too, all right? -What is your location? 1598 01:36:04,149 --> 01:36:06,149 Yeah, I don't know. 1599 01:36:06,195 --> 01:36:07,805 Y-You-you guys are gonna have to trace the call. 1600 01:36:07,849 --> 01:36:09,589 WOMAN: Hello? 1601 01:36:09,633 --> 01:36:13,033 Hello? Sir, are you still there? 1602 01:36:13,071 --> 01:36:15,381 -[Lauren gasps loudly, shrieks] -Sir? 1603 01:36:15,421 --> 01:36:18,251 -[Lauren coughs] -[operator speaks indistinctly] 1604 01:36:18,294 --> 01:36:19,824 WOMAN: Sir? Sir? 1605 01:36:19,861 --> 01:36:23,731 [coughing, gasping] 1606 01:36:23,778 --> 01:36:26,258 -[Lauren gasping, coughing] -[operator speaks indistinctly] 1607 01:36:28,739 --> 01:36:31,699 -[Lauren sighs] -Look up. -[garbled radio transmission] 1608 01:36:31,742 --> 01:36:33,442 Honey, look up for me. 1609 01:36:34,919 --> 01:36:38,309 Can you look up this way over here? 1610 01:36:38,357 --> 01:36:40,447 Hey, look, we're gonna need to take you to the ER. 1611 01:36:40,490 --> 01:36:41,880 I-I don't... I don't want to. I-I... 1612 01:36:41,926 --> 01:36:43,486 -We need to take you to the ER. -I'm fine. 1613 01:36:43,536 --> 01:36:44,836 She doesn't want to go to the ER. She's... 1614 01:36:44,886 --> 01:36:46,496 She's... No, she's not okay. We need to take her 1615 01:36:46,539 --> 01:36:47,889 -to the ER. -But she doesn't want to go. 1616 01:36:47,932 --> 01:36:49,632 No, sir, she needs to go! 1617 01:36:49,673 --> 01:36:51,333 -[Lauren whimpers] -Okay? 1618 01:36:51,370 --> 01:36:53,850 You have a problem with that, I can inform the police. 1619 01:36:53,895 --> 01:36:55,635 -Goddamn it. -[Lauren whimpers] 1620 01:36:55,679 --> 01:36:59,119 You're gonna come and meet me, right? 1621 01:36:59,161 --> 01:37:00,601 -Yes. Yes! -You promise? 1622 01:37:00,640 --> 01:37:03,030 [crying]: I love you. 1623 01:37:03,078 --> 01:37:05,518 -I love you, too. -[garbled radio transmission] 1624 01:37:05,558 --> 01:37:07,208 -You promise you're gonna meet me? -Yes, Lauren. 1625 01:37:07,256 --> 01:37:09,296 I'll come fucking meet you. What do you want from me? 1626 01:37:09,345 --> 01:37:12,605 -Okay, okay. -Jesus fucking Christ. 1627 01:37:18,136 --> 01:37:21,006 [breathing loudly] 1628 01:37:26,057 --> 01:37:27,487 [breathing loudly] 1629 01:37:27,537 --> 01:37:29,707 [dialing phone] 1630 01:37:32,455 --> 01:37:36,015 [line ringing] 1631 01:37:38,940 --> 01:37:41,330 DAVID [over phone]: David Sheff. 1632 01:37:41,377 --> 01:37:43,117 Hey, Dad. It's me. 1633 01:37:43,161 --> 01:37:45,771 [panting] 1634 01:37:45,816 --> 01:37:48,296 -Nic? -Yeah. 1635 01:37:48,340 --> 01:37:50,730 [panting] 1636 01:37:57,567 --> 01:37:59,607 Please don't hate me, Dad. 1637 01:38:01,136 --> 01:38:03,136 I know I did wrong. 1638 01:38:04,879 --> 01:38:06,919 I want to stop, but please, please, please, 1639 01:38:06,968 --> 01:38:08,798 please, please, please no rehab, all right? 1640 01:38:08,839 --> 01:38:11,669 Just let me come home. You know what? 1641 01:38:11,711 --> 01:38:15,501 I realize it's actually I... I-I need to be home. 1642 01:38:15,541 --> 01:38:20,291 You guys, you guys are gonna give me the strength to stop. 1643 01:38:20,329 --> 01:38:22,329 All right? 1644 01:38:22,374 --> 01:38:25,164 [panting] 1645 01:38:25,203 --> 01:38:27,213 That's not going to happen. 1646 01:38:36,475 --> 01:38:39,565 I wish that I could help you, 1647 01:38:39,609 --> 01:38:41,569 but I can't do that. 1648 01:38:41,611 --> 01:38:43,351 I c... I can't. 1649 01:38:43,395 --> 01:38:45,475 Oh, please help me, Dad. 1650 01:38:46,964 --> 01:38:49,184 No, Dad. I just need a little bit of help. 1651 01:38:51,229 --> 01:38:53,319 Please help me. I want to come home. 1652 01:38:53,362 --> 01:38:56,062 All I can tell you is what you already know. 1653 01:38:56,104 --> 01:38:58,544 Dad, why aren't you fucking listening to me? 1654 01:38:58,584 --> 01:39:00,724 -Call your sponsor. -[crying]: I don't want to talk 1655 01:39:00,760 --> 01:39:02,630 to my sponsor now. I want to talk to you. 1656 01:39:02,675 --> 01:39:04,585 Get help. 1657 01:39:04,634 --> 01:39:06,554 -I love you. -Dad, what... 1658 01:39:06,592 --> 01:39:08,992 And I hope that you get your life together. 1659 01:39:09,030 --> 01:39:10,600 I love you, too. 1660 01:39:10,640 --> 01:39:13,120 I love you. 1661 01:39:13,164 --> 01:39:15,124 [phone beeps off] 1662 01:39:15,166 --> 01:39:17,166 [insects chirping] 1663 01:39:26,961 --> 01:39:29,881 [sighs] 1664 01:39:29,920 --> 01:39:32,180 [jagged breathing] 1665 01:39:32,227 --> 01:39:34,927 [crying] 1666 01:39:46,850 --> 01:39:50,680 [waves lapping] 1667 01:39:58,993 --> 01:40:01,003 [waves lapping] 1668 01:40:13,094 --> 01:40:15,144 [crickets chirping] 1669 01:40:33,462 --> 01:40:35,462 ♪ 1670 01:40:42,471 --> 01:40:44,911 [sighs] 1671 01:40:53,960 --> 01:40:55,960 [insects chirping] 1672 01:41:16,026 --> 01:41:18,416 [seagull squawking] 1673 01:41:35,176 --> 01:41:37,866 -[sniffles] -[line ringing] 1674 01:41:41,182 --> 01:41:44,012 -DAVID: Hello. -Nicolas called. 1675 01:41:44,054 --> 01:41:45,454 He sounds desperate. 1676 01:41:46,752 --> 01:41:48,672 Gonna die if we don't do anything. 1677 01:41:48,711 --> 01:41:50,711 Well... 1678 01:41:50,756 --> 01:41:53,666 he's gonna die even if we do. 1679 01:41:53,716 --> 01:41:56,366 Nothing we do has any effect on him. 1680 01:41:56,414 --> 01:41:59,684 [Henryk Górecki's Symphony No. 3 plays, singing in Polish] 1681 01:42:02,333 --> 01:42:03,903 I failed. 1682 01:42:03,943 --> 01:42:05,553 VICKI: I know you feel ashamed, okay? 1683 01:42:05,597 --> 01:42:08,207 So do I. 1684 01:42:08,252 --> 01:42:10,562 But you have done great, David. 1685 01:42:10,602 --> 01:42:13,522 And Karen, too, so thank you for that. 1686 01:42:13,562 --> 01:42:15,432 You were up for it when I wasn't, 1687 01:42:15,477 --> 01:42:17,347 and I'm not giving up now. 1688 01:42:18,393 --> 01:42:20,223 Never. 1689 01:42:21,918 --> 01:42:24,658 But I can't do it alone. 1690 01:42:27,619 --> 01:42:30,409 I need your help. 1691 01:42:30,448 --> 01:42:32,618 [Vicki cries] 1692 01:42:32,668 --> 01:42:35,668 I don't think you can save people, Vicki. 1693 01:42:35,714 --> 01:42:37,544 [sighs] 1694 01:42:37,586 --> 01:42:40,976 [crying]: You can be there for them, can't you? 1695 01:42:44,810 --> 01:42:46,990 JASPER: Look at this. 1696 01:42:52,122 --> 01:42:54,042 DAVID: I'm done. 1697 01:42:54,080 --> 01:42:56,260 -Oh. -Okay? I... 1698 01:42:56,300 --> 01:42:59,300 [sniffles] Okay. 1699 01:43:12,490 --> 01:43:14,930 [Symphony No. 3 continues, with singing in Polish] 1700 01:43:32,945 --> 01:43:34,945 MAN: Hey, everybody. 1701 01:43:34,991 --> 01:43:37,691 Time to get together. 1702 01:43:37,733 --> 01:43:40,133 [crowd chatter] 1703 01:43:50,180 --> 01:43:54,320 WOMAN: I... I had a rough week. 1704 01:43:56,752 --> 01:43:58,492 Some of you know, some of you don't. 1705 01:43:58,536 --> 01:44:00,186 I, um... 1706 01:44:00,234 --> 01:44:02,284 I lost my Frances this week. 1707 01:44:02,323 --> 01:44:05,463 She died of an overdose on Sunday. 1708 01:44:05,500 --> 01:44:07,590 So... 1709 01:44:07,632 --> 01:44:11,592 I guess I'm in mourning, but I-I... 1710 01:44:11,636 --> 01:44:14,026 I realized something else. 1711 01:44:14,073 --> 01:44:18,123 I've actually been in mourning for years. 1712 01:44:20,210 --> 01:44:22,430 'Cause even when she was alive, she... 1713 01:44:22,473 --> 01:44:25,003 she wasn't there. 1714 01:44:25,041 --> 01:44:29,311 When you mourn the living, 1715 01:44:29,350 --> 01:44:32,220 that's a hard way to live. 1716 01:44:34,224 --> 01:44:36,714 And so, in... 1717 01:44:36,748 --> 01:44:38,968 in a way, it's-it's... 1718 01:44:39,011 --> 01:44:41,101 it's better, I guess. 1719 01:44:45,279 --> 01:44:50,849 [crying]: She was a dear, dear young woman. 1720 01:44:52,808 --> 01:44:54,978 I always felt... 1721 01:44:55,027 --> 01:44:57,597 I needed to... to stay strong, 1722 01:44:57,639 --> 01:45:01,029 that there'd be some future event, 1723 01:45:01,077 --> 01:45:03,687 and I'd... I'd need all my strength for it. 1724 01:45:07,301 --> 01:45:09,781 But there are no events after this one. 1725 01:45:09,825 --> 01:45:13,345 [crying]: I hope she's not in pain now. 1726 01:45:15,439 --> 01:45:17,619 [woman whimpers] 1727 01:45:20,052 --> 01:45:22,052 Bye, Frances. 1728 01:45:25,971 --> 01:45:28,321 [Karen sniffles] 1729 01:45:52,868 --> 01:45:54,868 ♪ 1730 01:46:06,621 --> 01:46:08,621 [grunts] 1731 01:46:22,767 --> 01:46:25,157 [Symphony No. 3 continues, with singing in Polish] 1732 01:46:44,223 --> 01:46:46,533 ♪ 1733 01:47:06,376 --> 01:47:09,156 ♪ 1734 01:47:19,171 --> 01:47:21,441 DAVID: Hey. 1735 01:47:21,478 --> 01:47:23,648 Hi. 1736 01:47:23,698 --> 01:47:25,788 [Vicki sighs] 1737 01:47:32,924 --> 01:47:34,494 How's he doing? 1738 01:47:34,535 --> 01:47:36,745 The doctor's with him now. 1739 01:47:38,364 --> 01:47:40,154 He said it's close to a miracle 1740 01:47:40,192 --> 01:47:43,152 Nic survived with all the drugs in his body. 1741 01:47:44,196 --> 01:47:46,016 [Vicki chuckles] 1742 01:47:53,075 --> 01:47:54,505 [David grunts softly] 1743 01:48:14,226 --> 01:48:16,446 [Symphony No. 3 continues, with singing in Polish] 1744 01:48:36,248 --> 01:48:38,558 ♪ 1745 01:48:58,270 --> 01:49:00,660 ♪ 1746 01:49:12,284 --> 01:49:14,684 [Nic cries] 1747 01:49:20,379 --> 01:49:22,729 [Nic sniffles] 1748 01:49:22,773 --> 01:49:25,823 [Nic cries] 1749 01:49:40,312 --> 01:49:42,312 [sobbing] 1750 01:49:47,058 --> 01:49:49,278 [Nic sniffles] 1751 01:50:26,097 --> 01:50:28,097 ♪ 1752 01:50:33,496 --> 01:50:35,496 ♪ Ah 1753 01:50:51,340 --> 01:50:54,600 ♪ I was somewhere 2000 in a daydream ♪ 1754 01:50:56,301 --> 01:51:00,521 ♪ I was hiding, I couldn't face it ♪ 1755 01:51:00,566 --> 01:51:04,266 ♪ I used to live my life in the wind... ♪ 1756 01:51:04,309 --> 01:51:08,269 ♪ I felt out of sync, audio phasing ♪ 1757 01:51:08,313 --> 01:51:12,273 ♪ Felt like I couldn't find my place in ♪ 1758 01:51:17,366 --> 01:51:20,586 ♪ Sky shivers, they, they turn to rain ♪ 1759 01:51:20,630 --> 01:51:22,550 ♪ I turn again 1760 01:51:22,588 --> 01:51:25,678 ♪ I wish we could heal 1761 01:51:30,205 --> 01:51:33,595 ♪ I'll take you home, I'll make you whole ♪ 1762 01:51:33,643 --> 01:51:38,523 ♪ You make me wish that this wasn't real ♪ 1763 01:51:43,000 --> 01:51:45,570 ♪ Because you're 1764 01:51:45,611 --> 01:51:47,571 ♪ Oh 1765 01:51:47,613 --> 01:51:52,443 ♪ You're my treasure 1766 01:51:55,709 --> 01:51:58,449 ♪ Because you're 1767 01:51:58,494 --> 01:52:00,374 ♪ Oh 1768 01:52:00,409 --> 01:52:05,239 ♪ You're my treasure 1769 01:52:07,721 --> 01:52:12,511 ♪ I used to live my life in the wind ♪ 1770 01:52:17,426 --> 01:52:19,036 ♪ And I would fly 1771 01:52:19,080 --> 01:52:22,170 ♪ Wherever you would swim 1772 01:52:26,914 --> 01:52:31,834 ♪ I couldn't stand by you or anything ♪ 1773 01:52:33,964 --> 01:52:37,194 ♪ Sky shivers, they, they turn to rain ♪ 1774 01:52:37,228 --> 01:52:39,008 ♪ I turn again 1775 01:52:39,056 --> 01:52:42,356 ♪ I wish we could heal 1776 01:52:47,108 --> 01:52:50,238 ♪ I'll take you home, I'll make you whole ♪ 1777 01:52:50,285 --> 01:52:55,065 ♪ You make me wish that this wasn't real ♪ 1778 01:52:59,729 --> 01:53:02,429 ♪ Because you're 1779 01:53:02,471 --> 01:53:04,171 ♪ Oh 1780 01:53:04,212 --> 01:53:09,222 ♪ You're my treasure 1781 01:53:12,481 --> 01:53:15,141 ♪ Because you're 1782 01:53:15,179 --> 01:53:16,879 ♪ Oh 1783 01:53:16,920 --> 01:53:21,620 ♪ You're my treasure 1784 01:53:24,885 --> 01:53:26,315 ♪ Bad habits 1785 01:53:26,364 --> 01:53:28,024 ♪ And good times 1786 01:53:28,062 --> 01:53:29,502 ♪ Let's take a risk 1787 01:53:29,541 --> 01:53:31,111 ♪ On our lives 1788 01:53:31,152 --> 01:53:32,892 ♪ Don't smile 1789 01:53:32,936 --> 01:53:34,586 ♪ Just might cry 1790 01:53:34,633 --> 01:53:35,983 ♪ Go around the roundabout 1791 01:53:36,026 --> 01:53:37,636 ♪ Like five times 1792 01:53:37,680 --> 01:53:39,420 ♪ With two scratches 1793 01:53:39,464 --> 01:53:40,684 ♪ Hard drive 1794 01:53:40,726 --> 01:53:41,896 ♪ Open up to it 1795 01:53:41,945 --> 01:53:43,155 ♪ Get me three times 1796 01:53:43,207 --> 01:53:44,167 ♪ Not lying 1797 01:53:44,208 --> 01:53:45,168 ♪ Watch the heavens 1798 01:53:45,209 --> 01:53:46,169 ♪ Goes up 1799 01:53:46,210 --> 01:53:47,390 ♪ Three times 1800 01:53:47,429 --> 01:53:48,869 ♪ Watch the heavens 1801 01:53:48,909 --> 01:53:53,129 ♪ As the sun dies 1802 01:53:56,917 --> 01:54:00,697 ♪ When breathing even is a challenge ♪ 1803 01:54:00,746 --> 01:54:03,916 ♪ I don't want to lose control ♪ 1804 01:54:03,967 --> 01:54:07,357 ♪ I need it, gotta have it 1805 01:54:07,405 --> 01:54:10,445 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1806 01:54:10,495 --> 01:54:11,885 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1807 01:54:11,932 --> 01:54:13,672 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1808 01:54:13,716 --> 01:54:16,676 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1809 01:54:16,719 --> 01:54:18,369 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1810 01:54:18,416 --> 01:54:20,236 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1811 01:54:20,288 --> 01:54:23,068 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1812 01:54:23,117 --> 01:54:24,727 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1813 01:54:24,770 --> 01:54:26,510 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1814 01:54:26,555 --> 01:54:29,465 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1815 01:54:29,514 --> 01:54:31,264 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1816 01:54:31,299 --> 01:54:32,559 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1817 01:54:32,604 --> 01:54:34,394 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1818 01:54:34,432 --> 01:54:36,262 -♪ Don't stop clinging -♪ Still alive 1819 01:54:36,304 --> 01:54:38,054 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1820 01:54:38,088 --> 01:54:40,868 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1821 01:54:40,917 --> 01:54:42,827 -♪ Don't stop clinging... -♪ Still alive... 1822 01:54:42,876 --> 01:54:44,696 NIC: "Either peace or happiness, 1823 01:54:44,747 --> 01:54:46,577 "let it enfold you. 1824 01:54:46,618 --> 01:54:49,578 "When I was a young man, I felt that these things 1825 01:54:49,621 --> 01:54:52,061 "were dumb, unsophisticated. 1826 01:54:52,102 --> 01:54:54,322 "I had bad blood, a twisted mind, 1827 01:54:54,365 --> 01:54:56,445 "a precarious upbringing. 1828 01:54:56,498 --> 01:54:58,108 "I was hard as granite. 1829 01:54:58,152 --> 01:55:00,022 "I leered at the sun. 1830 01:55:00,067 --> 01:55:03,507 "I trusted no man and especially no woman. 1831 01:55:03,548 --> 01:55:05,898 "I was living a hell in small rooms. 1832 01:55:05,942 --> 01:55:07,642 "I broke things, smashed things, 1833 01:55:07,683 --> 01:55:10,253 "walked through glass, cursed. 1834 01:55:10,294 --> 01:55:11,914 "I challenged everything, 1835 01:55:11,948 --> 01:55:14,118 "was continually being evicted, jailed, 1836 01:55:14,168 --> 01:55:16,908 "in and out of fights, in and out of my mind. 1837 01:55:16,953 --> 01:55:19,353 "Women were something to screw and rail at. 1838 01:55:19,390 --> 01:55:21,480 "I had no male friends. 1839 01:55:21,523 --> 01:55:23,613 "I changed jobs and cities. 1840 01:55:23,655 --> 01:55:26,305 "I hated holidays, babies, history, 1841 01:55:26,354 --> 01:55:28,974 "newspapers, museums, grandmothers, 1842 01:55:29,009 --> 01:55:32,009 "marriage, movies, spiders, garbagemen, 1843 01:55:32,055 --> 01:55:35,925 "English accents, Spain, France, Italy, 1844 01:55:35,972 --> 01:55:38,672 "walnuts and the color orange. 1845 01:55:38,714 --> 01:55:40,544 "Algebra angered me. 1846 01:55:40,585 --> 01:55:42,495 "Opera sickened me. 1847 01:55:42,544 --> 01:55:44,594 "Charlie Chaplin was a fake. 1848 01:55:44,633 --> 01:55:46,773 "And flowers were for pansies. 1849 01:55:46,809 --> 01:55:50,159 "Peace and happiness were to me signs of inferiority, 1850 01:55:50,204 --> 01:55:52,994 "tenants of the weak and addled mind. 1851 01:55:53,033 --> 01:55:55,603 "But as I went on with my alley fights, 1852 01:55:55,644 --> 01:55:57,174 "my suicidal years, 1853 01:55:57,211 --> 01:55:59,131 "my passage through any number of women, 1854 01:55:59,169 --> 01:56:02,649 "it gradually began to occur to me that I wasn't different 1855 01:56:02,694 --> 01:56:04,744 "from the others, I was the same. 1856 01:56:04,783 --> 01:56:06,703 "They were all fulsome with hatred, 1857 01:56:06,742 --> 01:56:09,092 "glossed over with petty grievances. 1858 01:56:09,136 --> 01:56:11,746 "The men I fought in alleys had hearts of stone. 1859 01:56:11,790 --> 01:56:13,750 "Everybody was nudging, inching, 1860 01:56:13,792 --> 01:56:16,622 "cheating for some insignificant advantage. 1861 01:56:16,665 --> 01:56:19,795 "The lie was the weapon, and the plot was empty. 1862 01:56:19,842 --> 01:56:22,062 "Darkness was the dictator. 1863 01:56:22,105 --> 01:56:25,495 "Cautiously, I allowed myself to feel good at times. 1864 01:56:25,543 --> 01:56:27,463 "I found moments of peace in cheap rooms 1865 01:56:27,502 --> 01:56:30,512 "just staring at the knobs of some dresser 1866 01:56:30,548 --> 01:56:32,858 "or listening to the rain in the dark. 1867 01:56:32,898 --> 01:56:35,858 "The less I needed, the better I felt. 1868 01:56:35,901 --> 01:56:37,771 "Maybe the other life had worn me down. 1869 01:56:37,816 --> 01:56:39,466 "I no longer found glamour 1870 01:56:39,514 --> 01:56:41,864 "in topping somebody in conversation 1871 01:56:41,907 --> 01:56:45,127 "or in mounting the body of some poor, drunken female 1872 01:56:45,172 --> 01:56:47,652 "whose life had slipped away into sorrow. 1873 01:56:47,696 --> 01:56:49,606 "I could never accept life as it was. 1874 01:56:49,654 --> 01:56:52,444 "I could never gobble down all its poisons. 1875 01:56:52,483 --> 01:56:54,753 "But there were parts, tenuous magic parts, 1876 01:56:54,790 --> 01:56:56,750 "open for the asking. 1877 01:56:56,792 --> 01:56:58,322 "I reformulated. 1878 01:56:58,359 --> 01:57:00,359 "I don't know when-- date, time, all that-- 1879 01:57:00,404 --> 01:57:02,024 "but the change occurred. 1880 01:57:02,058 --> 01:57:05,368 "Something in me relaxed, smoothed out. 1881 01:57:05,409 --> 01:57:07,669 "I no longer had to prove that I was a man. 1882 01:57:07,716 --> 01:57:09,406 "I didn't have to prove anything. 1883 01:57:09,457 --> 01:57:11,197 "I began to see things. 1884 01:57:11,241 --> 01:57:13,941 "Coffee cups lined up behind a counter in a cafe. 1885 01:57:13,983 --> 01:57:16,423 "Or a dog walking along a sidewalk. 1886 01:57:16,464 --> 01:57:18,384 "Or the way the mouse on my dresser top 1887 01:57:18,422 --> 01:57:20,422 "stopped there, really stopped there, 1888 01:57:20,468 --> 01:57:22,558 "with its body, its ears, its nose. 1889 01:57:22,600 --> 01:57:26,430 "It was fixed, a bit of life caught within itself, 1890 01:57:26,474 --> 01:57:30,264 "and its eyes looked at me, and they were beautiful. 1891 01:57:30,304 --> 01:57:32,354 "Then it was gone. 1892 01:57:32,393 --> 01:57:34,223 "I began to feel good. 1893 01:57:34,264 --> 01:57:36,754 "I began to feel good in the worst situations, 1894 01:57:36,788 --> 01:57:38,488 "and there were plenty of those. 1895 01:57:38,529 --> 01:57:41,529 "Like, say, the boss behind his desk. 1896 01:57:41,576 --> 01:57:43,666 "He is going to have to fire me. 1897 01:57:43,708 --> 01:57:45,448 "I've missed too many days. 1898 01:57:45,493 --> 01:57:48,763 "He's dressed in a suit, necktie, glasses. 1899 01:57:48,800 --> 01:57:51,540 "He says, 'I am going to have to let you go.' 1900 01:57:51,586 --> 01:57:53,326 "'It's all right,' I tell him. 1901 01:57:53,370 --> 01:57:54,810 "He must do what he must do. 1902 01:57:54,850 --> 01:57:56,770 "He has a wife, a house, children, 1903 01:57:56,808 --> 01:57:59,988 "expenses, most probably a girlfriend. 1904 01:58:00,029 --> 01:58:01,469 "I'm sorry for him. 1905 01:58:01,509 --> 01:58:03,119 "He's caught. 1906 01:58:03,163 --> 01:58:04,773 "I walk out into the blazing sunshine. 1907 01:58:04,816 --> 01:58:07,556 "The whole day is mine, temporarily anyhow. 1908 01:58:07,602 --> 01:58:10,172 "The whole world is at the throat of the world. 1909 01:58:10,213 --> 01:58:13,133 "Everybody feels angry, short-changed, cheated. 1910 01:58:13,173 --> 01:58:15,873 "Everybody is despondent, disillusioned. 1911 01:58:15,914 --> 01:58:19,054 "I welcomed shots of peace, tattered shards of happiness. 1912 01:58:19,092 --> 01:58:21,442 "I embraced that stuff like the hottest number, 1913 01:58:21,485 --> 01:58:24,355 "like high heels, breasts, singing, the works. 1914 01:58:24,401 --> 01:58:25,921 "Don't get me wrong, 1915 01:58:25,968 --> 01:58:27,668 "there is such a thing as cockeyed optimism 1916 01:58:27,709 --> 01:58:29,099 "that overlooks all basic problems 1917 01:58:29,145 --> 01:58:30,575 "just for the sake of itself. 1918 01:58:30,625 --> 01:58:32,835 "This is a shield and a sickness. 1919 01:58:32,888 --> 01:58:34,888 "The knife got near my throat again. 1920 01:58:34,933 --> 01:58:36,813 "I almost turned on the gas again. 1921 01:58:36,848 --> 01:58:38,808 "But when the good moments arrived again, 1922 01:58:38,850 --> 01:58:40,940 "I didn't fight them off like an alley adversary. 1923 01:58:40,983 --> 01:58:43,423 "I let them take me. I luxuriated in them. 1924 01:58:43,464 --> 01:58:45,254 "I bade them welcome home. 1925 01:58:45,292 --> 01:58:46,902 "I even looked into the mirror once 1926 01:58:46,945 --> 01:58:49,945 "having thought myself to be ugly. 1927 01:58:49,992 --> 01:58:51,992 "I now liked what I saw. 1928 01:58:52,037 --> 01:58:53,687 "Almost handsome. 1929 01:58:53,735 --> 01:58:55,905 "Yes, a bit ripped and ragged. 1930 01:58:55,954 --> 01:58:58,094 "Scars, lumps, odd turns. 1931 01:58:58,131 --> 01:59:00,181 "But all in all, not too bad. 1932 01:59:00,220 --> 01:59:02,050 "Almost handsome. 1933 01:59:02,091 --> 01:59:04,141 "Better at least than some of those movie star faces 1934 01:59:04,180 --> 01:59:05,880 "like the cheeks of a baby's butt. 1935 01:59:05,921 --> 01:59:07,401 "And finally I discovered 1936 01:59:07,444 --> 01:59:09,754 "real feelings for others, unheralded. 1937 01:59:09,794 --> 01:59:11,624 "Like lately, like this morning, 1938 01:59:11,666 --> 01:59:15,146 "as I was leaving for the track, I saw my wife in bed, 1939 01:59:15,191 --> 01:59:17,021 "just the shape of her head there, 1940 01:59:17,062 --> 01:59:20,632 "covers pulled high, just the shape of her head there. 1941 01:59:20,675 --> 01:59:23,065 "Not forgetting centuries of the living and the dead 1942 01:59:23,112 --> 01:59:24,902 "and the dying, the pyramids, 1943 01:59:24,940 --> 01:59:27,420 "Mozart dead, but his music still there in the room, 1944 01:59:27,464 --> 01:59:29,214 "weeds growing, the Earth turning, 1945 01:59:29,249 --> 01:59:31,339 "the tote board waiting for me. 1946 01:59:31,381 --> 01:59:33,121 "I saw the shape of my wife's head, 1947 01:59:33,166 --> 01:59:34,556 "she so still. 1948 01:59:34,602 --> 01:59:36,082 "I ached for her life, 1949 01:59:36,125 --> 01:59:37,775 "just being there under the covers. 1950 01:59:37,822 --> 01:59:39,352 "I kissed her on the forehead, 1951 01:59:39,389 --> 01:59:41,129 "got down the stairway, got outside, 1952 01:59:41,174 --> 01:59:43,614 "got into my marvelous car, fixed the seat belt, 1953 01:59:43,654 --> 01:59:45,094 "backed out the drive. 1954 01:59:45,134 --> 01:59:46,924 "Feeling warm to the fingertips, 1955 01:59:46,962 --> 01:59:49,752 "down to my foot on the gas pedal, 1956 01:59:49,791 --> 01:59:51,711 "I entered the world once more, 1957 01:59:51,749 --> 01:59:53,799 "drove down the hill past the houses 1958 01:59:53,838 --> 01:59:55,618 "full and empty of people. 1959 01:59:55,666 --> 01:59:58,096 "I saw the mailman, honked. 1960 01:59:58,147 --> 02:00:00,537 He waved back at me."